Almost Leap Time

It's partially because I'm a slacker and partially due to a lack of worthy material, but I haven't blogged in a bit. Life's kinda flipped since I've been working down in the ER. My shift is 2 to 10:30 p.m., which I actually like. I'm definitely built to function well during this time of day. I even have time to hit the gym in the morning. But it does preclude most of my regular social interaction. It's hard to set aside time in the morning before work to call the family and friends, as well as run all the necessary errands during normal working hours. I will actually be working four 10's on an evening shift like this when I get through with my residency. We'll see how that goes.

All in all, things have been going well here. I've had some great times with friends on the weekends. Drove up to Snoqualmie on a beautiful sunny day where I got to watch the snow melting off the majestic peaks. (Do I sound like a Deep Thought by Jack Handy yet?) Then I came back and threw the frisbee near a local beach here in Tacoma. How many places in the world have that to offer? See snow-covered mountains within an hour's drive and then drive over to a beautiful waterfront in the same area? It just reiterated my number 1 reason for loving Tacoma.

On a more serious note, I'm still reading through Matthew and following the story of Jesus, and I can't help but be impacted by the reality that He was here for the broken. Every time. And it required that the individual realize their brokenness before He could change them. Because the Truth is that we're all broken. The Pharisees didn't know that, though. His hometown didn't know that they were either. As a result, He didn't minister too long or very much in these crowds. But the broken...Wow. The people who recognized Who He was would bring the dirty, the sick, the possessed in droves. And He would effortlessly change lives. It makes me think about a few things:

1. Is His ability to change me dependent on my realization of my brokenness without Him? If so, a greater recognition of who I was before Him or who I would be without Him AND (don't forget this part; it's just as important) Who He is/what He can do would revolutionize my heart. It would completely reconstruct my outlook.
2. What is my hope for the brokenness I see around me? Do I believe He can change them? Do I pray for them in the hopes that He will?
3. How do I respond to brokenness around me? Do I look for opportunities to take Jesus there? or do I try to just minister to people or in places that are clean, easy, and comfortable?
   

Jesus didn't place comfort anywhere in His list of priorities. I don't have anything remotely similar to His omniscience, but I don't think seeing the end result was required before initiating the process. I don't know if I'm explaining this well, but I know my biggest obstacles are the limits of my own faith. I don't have to have things figured out to be obedient. God doesn't ask that of me. That's my own safety mechanism that directly inhibits me from living up to my fullest potential in Him. Regardless of what statistics show, of precedents set, of my past behavior, God is still God. And He's limited by nothing, even in a life and a heart like mine.

This is what is left of one of the girls' dorms at my old alma mater, Union University. What's even more shocking is that my own sister, Daron Webb, was huddled with two other girls in a downstairs bathroom when the tornado blew through campus. I was brought to tears when I saw the footage of the damage on the Today Show online this morning. I was speechless when Daron recounted her experience of covering her head in her hands when she heard the "train" noise coming. She said she felt debris swirling all around her, and she even breathed some in. When it had passed, she looked up to see the sky above her instead of the ceiling, which was the floor of the second story. The wall of the shower behind her looked as though it had been "punched in". The girls had never shut the bathroom door, so they were able to grab a matress that had landed in the living room floor before the next wave hit. When all had passed, the RAs called to them to tell them it was okay to come out and to head to the PAC (or the science building for non-Unionites). She went with the other soccer girls to her coach's house until Dad and Lecia could pick her up.

Today they let people come back on campus in waves to see if they could find their cars. Daron hadn't been able to park close last night because there were no spaces. Surprisingly, her car survived with two busted rearview mirrors and a dented hood. All of her clothes, belongings, EVERYTHING is gone. She's already been asked to make a list for insurance. Her computer, her guitar, her camera, her video camera, all of it gone. All of these things are nominal in value when I think about how grateful I am that she is okay.

There are no words to provide even remote explanation for how no life was lost on this campus except to say that God was at work. Lives were spared for a reason. It makes no sense for the place to look like Ground Zero of a bomb site, for cars to be flipped upside down or thrown atop buildings, for buildings to be leveled, and for everyone to come out without critical injury. I'm so thankful. And I even believe that there will be Kingdom results from this event. Union University, a truly Christ-centered institution is getting national news coverage. Its wise and godly leader, Dr. David S. Dockery, is being shown on tv consistently to speak about the storms and the rebuilding efforts.

Please pray. So much will need to be done. Please give. They've already set up a fund where people can contribute.

Click here.

Most of all, be thankful. Be aware that God is in control, and He has a purpose for every moment He gives you breath. Don't waste it.

Blessed

I have the coolest friends. I'm serious. There's no way another person could have a higher number of quality individuals that have poured into their life. I have been reminded lately since I was able to catch up with so many of them this weekend.

I talked to Meg (from the FAB Four in Memphis), Buckle (one of the original Super-Christians that I busted my tail to keep up with spiritually my freshman year of college), Donna (sweetest heart, always a blast and full of encouragement, pharmacy school companion), my family (they're all awesome and I continually sing their praises), Alyson (one of my newest but truest friends here in Tac-town), and then I got to spend Saturday night hanging out on "the Ave" in Seattle with Ronnie (my good friend I met here who moved to Seattle and works for NAMB) in the U-dub district.

I'm not done. After church, I had lunch at my favorite Tacoma locale, Famous Dave's (they have sweet cornbread and sweet tea- you can't beat it), with Alyson, Jana, and Jeff. These kids have become constants, and I'm thankful for each of them in my life. We shared good laughs, and Jeff shared a lot of stories from his childhood...hence the laughs.

Then my oldest friend (all the way back to when I beat him in the math contest at UTM) Casey called from Lithuania, and I laughed so hard I thought I was going to run off the road at a comment about how sweet we southerners like our tea. I'm still grinning. A great, mind-bending, philosophical, sociopolitical conversation followed, and overall it was refreshing to have caught up.

We'll round it out with getting to catch up with Mr. Ziegenhorn tonight. Great conversation was shared about evangelism in friendships/relationships/work settings. That was refreshing as well to get to relate to someone about the urgency and concern I feel for the lack of understanding of Truth around me. He lives in LA, so it's not a stretch for him to match that.

All this leads to one conclusion: God is great. He's given pieces of Himself to each of these individuals to shed light on my life. I'm more than blessed, but that's the best word the English language offers me as far as my knowledge will reach.

Dance War

One of the new shows on ABC didn't catch my attention UNTIL...

I found out my friend Phillip was on there!



I met Phillip last January at a Super Bowl party for young singles from Brentwood Baptist Church. We immediately had a blast cutting up, and before the night was over I had gotten see some moves from Mr. Jesus-loving, Justin Timberlake-esque young Virginian. He had just moved to Nashville to do music, but he happened to be trained in ballroom dance (and could show out with some hip-hop as well). I even went salsa dancing with him a few times. But you have to go online and watch an episode or two to check out my buddy in action.

Here's the link.

Check it out. You can watch the show online! He's doing so well; I'm so proud. I can say I danced with him when...

2008 Projections

post-contemplation, of course. I love any opportunity to assess, evaluate, analyze (can I think of a few more words that mean to think through something?) my life, where I am, where I've been, and where I would like to go. 2007 brought so much change: graduation, new job, new home, new friends.

I don't know if I qualify as a visionary, but I like to cast visions, to set goals, and to get people excited about working towards them. Other than the typical desire to get into shape, start eating better, get more organized, my main resolution was this:

Stop worrying and instead truly pray about weights on my heart, giving them over to God and being open to see Him do things only He could do.

At Aroma last night, the six of us discussed our different resolutions and plans for the new year. We had such a stimulating and heart-pressing discussion about our need as Christians to be different. I'm reading through Matthew in my quiet time in hopes of truly KNOWING Jesus better. I'm just now to the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5-7), specifically the Beattitudes followed by the verses in Chapter 5 about being salt and light.

I have felt such a burden lately for myself and other Christians to more visibly live that difference. Not just in hopes of converting people, but for the bigger purpose of better-reflecting God's glory, His character, and the changes He can make in a life submitted to Him.

We pointed out that ministry was not the goal. It's not the focus or the objective. I don't remember who said it, but "Ministry is the wake we leave as we pursue Christ". So if we desire to bring more people to know Him and exhibit more fruit (Gal. 5:22), we need to just up our intensity with which we pursue Him. Refocus. Reprioritize. Put everything we invest in (with our time, money, and thought) through the filter of eternal vs. temporal importance.

So that's my initial challenge in 2008 to you: Live the Difference. Not by "trying harder", but by fixing the eyes of your heart on your Savior, the Lord of all, and seeking the LIFE He died to offer us. (John 10:10, Matt. 6:33)

Tough Stuff

After a recent in-depth discussion with some fellow believers about some of the difficult questions in life, I grew burdened about the average churchgoer's level of understanding of basic doctrinal truths. The conversation spun off of the initial question: Where did evil come from? Did God create it? Did it start with Adam and Eve? Did it come into being when Lucifer fell?

These are all good questions, and I can't say that we reached a consensus answer. And it's a bit irrelevant, whatever the answer is, because it doesn't change Who God is, or who we are, or what we're called to do. So I'm gonna move on to my source of concern.

Here are a couple of the truths somewhat debated. I warn you; these are not happy topics. There will be no Joel Osteen sermon here. We're talking about sin: the reality of it, the weight of it, and how God views it.

1. Hell is real, and people apart from Christ are condemned to it.
2. God in His infinite justice punishes sin. God in His infinite love provided salvation from that punishment through Christ's death and resurrection on the cross.
3. God hates sin. Read any books start to finish from the Old Testament and read where God tells His people and prophets to completely wipe out whole people groups. I mean, have we forgotten the story of Noah? He just started all over. Sodom and Gomorrah? Need I go on?
4. Anyone who does not know Christ is dead in their sin and deserves hell. It's a tough one, but if the consequences for sin are not that dire, then why did Christ have to die? If you have trouble with this concept, I challenge you to ask God to show you the weight of sin. Let me warn you that this is not a pleasant answer, but it's one that will stay with you.

So yes, these concepts should light a fire under us as Christ's followers to go tell people about their need for Him and the free gift of salvation and eternal life offered through Him WITH THE UNDERSTANDING that He IS sovereign. He WILL accomplish His will. He desires to bring people to Him more than you do. And you are (or I am) not big enough to mess that up. It's ultimately the work of the Holy Spirit in a man's heart that brings a man to know Christ. We are simply the vessels that get to be a part of the process sometimes.

Please understand that these are not concepts that are usually appropriate in evangelistic settings, but as believers, we need to know what the Bible says about Who God is, what He does, and who we are in light of that. My concern is that the life-long church-goer can't say with confidence that they are certain about these things based on revelation from Scripture.

Thoughts?

Viva Las Vegas

So I went...and I saw. And I'm glad to be back in Tac-town. Even though most of WA south of me is under water. Nice reception. I enjoyed getting to spend time with work people outside of work. Callie got a bigger dose of me than I'm sure she ever hoped for. But we had fun bonding, laughing, learning, and discussing life. I feel really blessed to be a part of such a great program with great people in a great area. Enough of the "great"s.

It was also the bomb to get to see Donna, Leela, and some of my old UT crew. I would have loved to sit down with every old pharmacy friend from around the country (old ASP peeps included) and discuss our journey post-graduation, but time didn't allow. It was at least nice to share a smile, a hug, and maybe even a 2-minute update.

Overall, it left me tired, a bit pensive, and ready for the weekend. I'm trying to learn this whole "live in the now" and stop wishing your life away. So far, I get an F.

I will say I had one of the neatest conversations with a pharmacy director from Cali at dinner one night. A very smart man working for a Catholic group was explaining to me how the nuns who run the organization expect the leadership to conduct themselves the way Jesus would. After I mentioned my desire to do missions and the basis of my faith (which was based on a personal relationship, not on rituals), he was extremely intrigued about this new concept of Christianity he had never encountered before. I wasn't expecting to have one of the best evangelistic conversations of my life that night. I'm glad that God uses me despite my inconsistent focus.

Somebody help me...

Why can't I love people? Especially when I want to, need to, and try to really hard? Why am I not nicer? If we as Christians don't love people, who's gonna? They will know us by our love, right? Is there a special prayer I can pray so that He'll drop it off in my heart? Lord, please help me to love everyone and hold my tongue and my thoughts when I can't!

Cheers to newness

I've always belonged to the school of thought that lines and principles and precepts protect. They ward off danger. They prevent scars. Most of my life has been lived with this outlook at the forefront. I'm definitely no scaredy-cat, so please understand that I hide behind this mentality most often in reference to matters of the heart.

In terms of calculating risk and acting on the conclusion, that's usually not my style. I would jump out of a plane with a parachute (but haven't done this yet). I would fly across an ocean to spend a month in Europe with a classmate. I would move across the country to live and work in a land where I know no one. Okay, so none of it's that dramatic. I'm just trying to make a point. My point is that these things sound exciting. Sign me up.

However, any social situation that I haven't initiated or somehow obtained semi-conrol over freaks me out. Neurosis for days. I think too much, talk too much, and no one enjoys it. Ask family and friends. They will confirm.

But today, I took a step. After much mulling (on my part) and encouragement (on my friends' part), I left those precepts (read: the cage) by the wayside and did something out of character. And it was, of course, nothing to be afraid of. No big deal. That's what's on the other side of that fear: nothing lost. And maybe a little freedom gained.

BOO!

Here's what we did Sunday night.
The group is as follows (L to R): Jason, Charles, Ronnie (girl), Jonathan, Lauren, Sheena, Liane, Alyson, and Tucker (dog)




We did this Alyson's. That is her stoop above and her pumpkin below.



Jason Burke's creation. It's "AROMA" for our coffee house group on Thursdays.




This is Jonathan's. Pizza and a coke. Making you hungry?



Liane's is the cute little squash. Mine is the one with swoopy bangs.



This is Ronnie's creepy tree. Good times!

Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge

This book is the follow=up to Wild at Heart, the book about how godly men should actually pursue their rugged adventure because that is what they were built for. I've never actually read it, but I do remember some key points. Men desire three things:

1. To live an adventure
2. To fight for something
3. To discover beauty

Women also wants three things at their core that actually coincide. God knew what He was doing here. Surprise!

1. To join in the adventure
2. To be fought for
3. To have her beauty discovered

These make sense to me, and I wasn't surprised or super-enlightened when I heard them. They made sense, so I just added this to the repertoire of small sermonettes that may come in handy.

However, this week, the new book for women (the title of this post) has been rocking my face off. Stasi describes that men and women are made in God's image (Gen. 1:26-27, nothing new), but she goes on to say that men represent God's strength and His power. Here's the take-home: what makes men attractive? STRENGTH. Hold up, let me finish. I'm NOT talking about meat-head in the gym strength. I'm talking about strength of character, fighting for what's right, defending those that are weaker than you. THAT is super-attractive. You think about the heroes in the movies. What makes them studs? Their character, conviction, and drive to set things right (examples: Gladiator, Braveheart, The Last Samurai).

Women represent God's beauty. What makes women attractive? BEAUTY. And not as defined by Elle or Cosmo magazine. We all know drop-dead gorgeous girls that no ones wants to be around and certainly not date simply because they have bad attitudes. No, a woman's beauty is defined by her heart. When a woman is loving, compassionate, and serves the needs of those around her, that's attractive. Men can say a lot of things about appearance and such, but I would dare to say that the only aspect that truly pulls at a man's heart would be the genuine compassion and encouragement found in the heart of a woman.

It brings up all new objectives in terms of self-improvement. I'm challenged not to find the best new product to prevent fine lines around my eyes. I'm challenged to learn to love better, to think of others first, and to battle the urge to self-protect. Stasi mentions that sharing your beauty as a woman will make a difference in your world, but it's a process to make your heart vulnerable. Isn't that the title of my blog or something?

Turning the Corner

I'm roundin' it, homes. It's invigorating. I'm reading up on a neuro-muscular disease for a presentation tomorrow for my neonatal intensive care rotation (NICU for all my medical friends), and I'm loving it. I don' think it can be credited solely to the fact that I had coffee earlier, either. I seriously am enthralled.

This week has been very interesting. The amount of assignments and the weight of my workload has only increased. Very few items have been completed and removed from the To-do list. But after freaking out and asking for much prayer from friends and family...something's changed.

Being at the hospital ~ 12 hours Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday was not that bad. I even worked on some stuff before I went to bed as well. For my other friends doing a residency and especially those doing their medical residency, I probably sound like a lightweight. But for me, this is huge. I'm very selfish with my time, and I have expectations as to how long I think it should take me to complete assignments. Plus, I've never let one thing (job, school, etc.) completely monopolize my life. Call it a weakness, lack of discipline, whatever you want. But I'm not sorry for it.

However, now there's a new motivation. I truly want to know. I want to grow as a practitioner. Sometimes I truly don't mind putting it extra time, coming up with my own little assignments to consolidate what I'm learning, or provide myself a quick reference in the future. God is truly affirming where I am, what I'm doing, and why He's brought me down this path.

Once again, story of my life: I am blown away by the evidence of His faithfulness. He is truly validating Psalm 37:4 by putting in my heart the desires that it should have in order for me to live my life to the fullest (John 10:10). And I'm delighted in Him.

If you would have asked me on Wednesday of last week, I wouldn't have had any spectacular expectations for this weekend. However, it was a bombin' one (maybe un milagro, one might say). lol. insider. My buddy Justin (from the GBC crew in Memphis and Zach's old roommate), who now lives and works near Boise, drove over with a friend heading to Seattle. It was a good opportunity for him to ride along and head on down to Tacoma and see me.

We were out all day Saturday fighting the fog and trying to see the sights around Tacoma. It ended up being a gorgeous day. Good food, good times, good friends, good weekend. I will purposely fail to mention details about the worst bowling I've done in years.

With bowling and church today, Justin got to meet most of the people in my life here outside of work. After he left, lunch, and a nap, I headed out with some friends to Wild Waves, a huge amusement park here on I-5. One of my friends from church works there and got us passes to ride the rides and go through the haunted house. It was really fun. I felt kinda old. I haven't ridden carnival rides in ages. But along with Ari, a college freshman, I rode almost all the big ones. The haunted house got a couple of screams outta me, and I definitely had a death grip on the person in front of and behind me.

Overall, great weekend. Now back to the grind...ugh.

Of course it happened today...

I let Jada talk me into looking like a scrub to fly back to Seattle this morning. I at least had a small amount of makeup on when I was sitting in the Memphis airport, talking with my mom on my cell, and people-watching. I notice an attractive guy pretty far off, and as he comes closer, familiarity begins to materialize. And then I can't believe it! It was NOAH WYLE with David Schwimmer, strolling through the Memphis airport! David was about two feet from me, wearing two different forms of camouflage and making me feel much better about my clothing choice.

I neglected my initial reflex to run up and ask them for a photo. I decided to be too old for that. But it's still a cool story. Now if it woulda been John Krasinski, I would've had a pic to post.

Okay, okay, I get it...

I've decided to take the plunge. After two different instances of being questioned and explaining my stance on things, I've changed my mind. And I still haven't decided what the right choice is.

Those who know me well know that I have a small band with the words "TRUE LOVE WAITS" that I wear on my left ring finger...a.k.a. the "here's-how-you-know-whether-I'm-taken" finger. Since I've been in Tacoma, I've had one in-depth conversation with an endocrinologist in which the man assured me that I was deterring all respectable, date-able guys wearing it on that hand. The other night my grandmother asked me about it, and it came up again tonight with my friends at dinner.

Initially my thoughts were that it provides a good filter. Any person would have to get to know me at least a little bit before they asked me out. I figured that saves them money and both of us time. Seriously, I'm a handful. It's only to the kid's advantage that he figure that out beforehand. The fact that I'm never seen with a guy and work with the SINGLE'S group at church is clear enough to me.

I had originally thought I could wait a couple more years before I made the switch. I think I saw it as a last-ditch effort. Wow, this sounds sad. But maybe it's more about correct representation and keeping your options open. I still haven't decided.

All of this led to my ultimate decision: tonight I switched the ring to my right hand. My friend Donna made a good point: most guys get confused about which hand it is anyway. But I still feel a twinge of being a sell-out. I even called a couple of trusted guy friends to ask their opinion. They of course didn't answer the phone. So I need some feedback. Help a sister out.

After staffing an incredibly too-busy weekend, I can't tell you how great it feels to know I'll be hopping a plane tomorrow to my homeland. Can't wait to see everyone!

Why is it that you learn the most about yourself in high-stress situations or those that evoke strong emotional response? Today was one of those. As a learner, you're constantly in a cycle of ignorance then mastery. I sometimes struggle when the bouts of ignorance are brought to light by those supervising you. And more than that, so much of it has to do with the style in which the enlightenment or the drilling (that's how it fills most of the time) is delivered.

Couple with this the face that I'm too proud. I know humility is a struggle for me. It's a constant prayer request and sometimes when it's answered, I feel pain. When people make me feel stupid, especially in front of other people, my pride gets pricked. And I don't respond well. It usually evokes an animosity deep within me that brings pictures of physical retaliation in my head. Thankfully, I'm old enough now to not follow every instinct.

Now I'm left to respond as an adult. It's a good trial. Life's not easy, and I'm rarely the boss. Therefore, there will undoubtedly be more of these uncomfortable situations. As a pro-active person (that I'm trying to be) instead of a reactive person, I decide how I will respond in these circumstances.

So what did I do? I took a really long nap.

Fried Pickles

Today was my debut at church as a greeter. It was also "nametag Sunday", so I had a great excuse to walk up to people, ask their name, and their favorite fair food. (Evidently, the bottom part of your nametage contains your answer to a question posed for the day). I had forgotten how natural it is for me to walk up to strangers and engage them in conversation. It was great. I really enjoy it. I had forgotten.

My answer to the question was fried pickles, which was befuddling to the people of the Pacific Northwest, since they had never experienced fried pickles. But I distinctly remember my first encounter. It was the midsouth fair in Memphis. I don't remember who I was with at the time, but I remember loving them...with ketchup or ranch, these things are money. I didn't let my church friends make squeamish faces long before I forced them to admit they'd never actually tried them. That negates one's opinions on anything edible.

Then I myself had my first Washington State fair experience. I mainly went because people kept raving about certain foods that I needed to experience. Today was the last day after two weeks, and it was still packed out! I won't list all the foods I partook of except for the scones. They were money. They were pretty much all they had been talked up to be...and more if you consider the price. It's just a little sweet biscuit with butter and jam. But man, it's good.

That's pretty much all we did...that, and people watch. Always fun.

This is my last week rotating in pediatrics. I'll be kinda sad to leave this area. I really found a niche there. We'll see if I still feel drawn to it after my other rotations. And another good thing about this week ending is that I go home to visit in a week! How exciting!

I can tell it's Monday

So far I've managed to

• get a blister on my heel from my awesome rain boots that the weather warranted for my walk to work


• print two beastly documents to a phantom printer


• set off the exit alarm in the children's hospital by pushing the door before it read my badge


• go the wrong way once I did find a stairwell sans alarm and had to walk back up two flights now instead

BUT...

last night I had one of the coolest bowling experiences of my life. I had a 6-10 split after bowling right down the middle. So I thought I'd be clever and bowl with both hands. I put a 12-pound ball in my right and left hand and made my usual release. The two balls traveled down the lane pretty smoothly, bumped each other about midway down, and traveled out to level the pesky pins that thought they had me beat! It was awesome! I couldn't believe it. I will never be able to reproduce it, but I did have witnesses. I can get you names and numbers if you need them.

And yes, this was the coolest part of my weekend. It's okay if you're a little jealous.