Thursday, February 26, 2009

Wow, so much stuff...

It's been a big week. So many things have occurred. It's kinda thrown my thinker's brain for a loop. I haven't really had time to sit and overanalyze before being bombarded with the next task or event. I don't know what I think about that. So many many bigger ones.

I've seen answered prayers, disappointments, pleasant surprises, scary opportunities, and new-ness...all since Sunday. Geesh, what a week.

Most of it ends well. A few things I'm still confounded by. Maybe more of this will be hashed out at a future date. I'm learning things about myself. I haven't decided whether to share them with you yet.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Where's the Line?

So I'm an idealist. And I know this. And it can fuel so much energy for positive change. Just in general, I believe that idealism IS necessary as fuel for positive change. Recently my idealism has fueled me to take on a representative-type role at my work. Our patient care system (a computer program) is far from ideal. And we, as pharmacists, are very familiar with many of its short-comings. Since different pharmacists work in different areas, we all get different perspectives and notice wierd little caveats. So I wanted us to pool what each pharmacists understands about the system and share those insights with everyone else.

One of our managers totally took me up on this and assigned me and another coworker with this task of compiling tips and disbursing them weekly in staff developments. And I think it's going relatively well. The problem is when I'm reminded of the broken parts of the process because of meds not getting to patients. Sometimes it's the computer system setting us up for failure. Other times it's apathy on someone's part along the way. Sometimes I get frustrated about things that have nothing to do with the computer system but are still making my job unnecessarily more complicated, such as insurance companies and outpatient facilities who won't accept the patients we're trying to discharge.

Oh, a broken world. Sigh. It's crazy when I think about the original plan. If Eve hadn't eaten the fruit, I wouldn't have a job. There would be no sickness. There'd be no need for healthcare, insurance, or my career. But we're way past that.

So I've yet to master the discipline of having peace in the midst of being unsatisfied with the way things are. Contentment doesn't look like apathy. It's not the same. Do I learn to separate my emotions from my idealism? Then how would I maintain the passion that IS the fuel for working for change? But there's got to be a better way to control the frustration that comes from an imperfect world.

I want Psalm 112:6-7 to be characteristic of me at some point in life:

For the righteous will never be moved;
he will be remembered forever.
He is not afraid of bad news;
his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.