Thursday, June 18, 2009

I'm not going to pretend to have a cute little title that prefaces or allows some clever insight into what this blogpost will include. Honestly, I don't know what's coming. I'm a bag blogger. I haven't invested emotional output in this guy for over a month!

And a lot has happened. I've learned a lot. A more accurate description would be to say that God has revealed Himself in many ways. He's amazingly faithful like that. He's so pursuant. I don't understand it. What's new.

And tomorrow I leave for Mexico for 10 days to help lead a team of youth in doing VBS for kids in Tiajuana. I'm still not 100% on that spelling. And so many things intimidate me about it:
  • There's so much unknown and that can't be planned for. I'm a bit of an overthinker when it comes to things coming down the pike because I don't "roll with the punches" super-well. And I don't like scars or regrets. So I figure if I can foresee all the problems pre-emptively, then I can forego them. ;) You can see how well that schema works out for me.

  • I'm real. Way too real. I'm one of those expressive folks whose faults are really obvious early on. I'm impatient, opinionated, mouthy, and even a complainer sometimes. (I know, I hate that about myself too.) It's only a matter of time before these kids knock me right off whatever pedestal they may have fashioned for me in their minds before this trip.

  • I'm needy when it comes to my social support system. Said differently: I live in community and enjoy sharing my life pretty significantly with those around me. I check in pretty frequently with various folks in my life sharing my heart and thoughts and asking them to weigh in and offer advice about such things. I call my mom pretty much every day even if just for a minute to share my latest neurotic observation or analysis. This will be 10 days around folks I don't know that well. And I won't be able to call up or text or email the folks I depend on for affirmation.

  • I spend a lot of time by myself. Not an option on this trip. It's literally not safe. We're in Tiajuana, folks. My family can tell you what I'm like when I'm forced into small spaces with the same people for an extended period of time. Refer back to the second bullet point and draw your own conclusions.
BUT, the good news is:
  • I look forward to the opportunity to learn flexibility. I'm pumped to see how God will be amazingly bigger than my plans and calculations.
  • God loves me. And accepts me. And is able to use me despite my mess. Plus, He uses the weak to shame the strong and the foolish to shame the wise. I meet all the criteria!
  • I look forward to the fellowship between God and me. I think too often I don't allow time or place for this. It's sad but true.
  • I'm pumped about being trained in loving people better. I think one of the reasons I still have some edges to my personality is that I'm not around people in close enough community to have them sanded off. What a great opportunity for that.
So God will use this to prosper me (Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28, Phil. 1:6). It will happen. I'm excited for the opportunity.