We lost one today.

So many people lost. A young man lost his girlfriend. A father and mother lost their daughter. A sister and friend lost her sister and friend. We lost a friend, a classmate, a future colleague, a member of ASP EC, and a leader at our school. We were given no warning. We did not get to say goodbye. There is no precedent for this. We lost.

Father, please let us find comfort and peace in you during this time. We lift up the family and loved ones of this individual. Please bring your consolation into the deepest hurts in our hearts. We trust that she is with You. May you use this time of grief to bring glory to Yourself. We know that Your ways are not ours (Isaiah 55:8-9), and that Your plan is perfect despite our lack of understanding. Grant us the grace to trust that Your plan is ultimately for good regardless of what we see (Jer. 29:11). Make us know that You have a specific plan for each life you create (Psalm 139). May we be reminded that our lives are short. Remind us that You give us breath for the sole purpose of being like You and reflecting the glory of Who You are. Remind us the difference between eternal and temporal things. Let our investments be for the former rather than the latter.

Father, being known by You makes me long to be with You as this young one is. I pray that you guide our steps in Your will until the day ordained for each of us to leave this life. Hold us, Lord. Let us rest against Your chest (Deut. 33:12) until we get to see You face to face.

Conclusion

I've been restless for the past month or so with life in general due to where I'm at right now, what I have, what I don't have, who I am, responsibilities, decisions, etc. But this morning, I came to the conclusion that if this lack of contentment always leads me to the desparation to know Christ more and be near Him, I'll take it.

UConn's a CROC!

How in the nation can a team seriously pass on in the tournament when the refs just conveniently miss two HUGE calls that could have changed everything? First of all, when a man TRIPS over another player's foot (the clumsy Marcus Williams from UConn), IT'S NOT A FOUL!!! Maybe those pages just weren't in those ref's manual. Who knows? And it seems kinda odd that Dentmon, one of the U-W players that was holdin' things together FOULED OUT on that cruddy call! Interesting! Then, another set of pages that seems to have been misplaced from the ref's manual was GOALTENDING. If the ball is on the arc down due to the pull of gravity, then the other team, according to my understanding, is not allowed to touch the ball! Roy was robbed. However, the refs seemed to have missed this one too! So, the golden team that everyone has placed in their top two CONVENIENTLY moves on...on a fluke.

Creative homeless signs:

"My wife is kidnapped, and I'm 93 cents short."

"Very bad advice................................1 dollar."

One homeless man pretends to be a bush then lunges out at innocent victims passing by. This makes onlookers laugh, so they give him money.

I will say that in comparison to Memphis, San Francisco has more homeless people and those that are more creative with their panhandling.

I write this not to make light of the poverty problem, but to relay a little humor.

Quarter-Life Crisis

A hard truth of life after college for many unattached young adults is that there's no one that takes an interest in what happens to you on a daily basis. For me, the young adventurer who loved coming back to the dormroom and relaying a meager sighting of the recent crush as if it were worthy of the nightly news to my roommates, who were kind enough to convince me they cared, this is quite an adjustment. My friends, who I was constantly encouraged and inspired by because I saw them on a daily basis, are all over the world, literally. I do have friends who I love and have taken great investment in me, but we all have other obligations now...that require time. And the sad part is...so much of my time is taken up with stuff I have to do that isn't too exciting. That cuts down on the number of quality stories I have to tell. So it's fine in the sense that there's less to tell and less ears to hear. But the problem is that I'm needy, and some aspect of that interaction is therapeutic for me...the entertaining? the being heard? the attention? Not sure. I just get stuck playing different roles during the day so I want to come home and be the core me, which is goofy, loud, obnoxious, and sometimes entertaining to others. But with no audience, I'm stuck with being the core me with just me. Not as much fun.

Please excuse my whining, honesty, and transparency.

I leave tomorrow for this meeting. I highly dislike packing. I cannot pack light. I've tried...to no avail. Every time I start out resolved to be meager and sure enough, I end up with my closet in a carry out box. It stems from my desire to be prepared for any and all possible circumstances. Maybe this goes even deeper...I've noticed that the fuel for my analytical nature is the apprehension of mistakes. Oh me, of little faith. After years of walking, you'd think I'd be past simple things. Well, if the chicken and the egg cycle DOES in fact apply to faith and obedience in the Christian walk, then my obedience must be pretty nill to keep my faith muscle so weak. Geesh, that's a harrowing revelation.

But the good news is always grace. And not to cheapen it to something that we shower over us in times of need like Bonhoeffer was disdainful of in Cost of Discipleship, but the costly grace that we turned our lives over to Christ in order to receive. THAT is the grace that allows us to have breath despite the fact that we are sinful. That was in fact paid for with the ultimate cost...the sinless Savior's life. That grace bought for me will allow me to know Truth, know Him, and live for Him and like Him.

I've been kinda down lately. I haven't pinpointed a reason, but I knew I wanted some type of external spiritual food before I left, so I went to the prayer service at my church tonight. It was a small, intimate group of about 50 seniors (mostly, anyway). I had the privilege of praying with a beautiful couple. They were both so grounded in the Word; their prayers were laced with it all throughout their requests. It's been so long since I heard such petition from spiritual warriors with that many battle tales. They were also very encouraging to me as we were leaving. They immediately asked me about myself, my schooling, my plans. God is great when He shows Himself across generations. I wish I had more interaction with older men and women of the faith. There's a wealth of wisdom to be tapped.

Once again, God shows me His faithfulness before I embark on spring break travel. After San Fran, I'm headed to Colorado to ski with my dad, Lecia, Daron, and Kellen. I'm way excited. I'll be back the 25th, and then chaos will hit until April 25th, my last final.

Leave me a comment letting me know what God's been showing you, whether big or small. I want to know.

Would you rather...

lose your sense of sight or sense of hearing? And don't say "neither" because that's a copout response that requires no thought, and we don't have room for nonsense like that on the comment page. I want you to think about it and explain your answer.
The only conditions are as follows:

We ARE talking about at this point in your life. So you HAVE known what it's like to have both. Picture a degenerative disease or something of that hypothetical nature.

Think and then comment! I'm curious...

Just as the process referred to in my blog title, life keeps changing. God keeps bringing new highs, new lows, and basic NEWNESS. I've experienced and been challenged with so many situations I never thought I would be in. They're definitely not all bad. They're just NEW, as if I haven't been redundant enough by this point. Let me just go ahead and specify these...um...things that haven't been in my life before...(see how I tried to not use the three-letter word that starts with an N again?)

Stress- I know everyone throws this word around like we do the word water or time or busy, but it's taken on a much more intense effect on me lately. I've mentioned it before in my blogs, but let me reiterate that it hasn't subsided much. Some of the sources of stress (school, ASP presidency, the ASP banquet, finding a place to live and moving to Nashville) will not be alleviated until well into May. However, some of the sources (finding a car, dealing with the wreck, etc.) have come to a close. God has been faithful to hold me through that ordeal, and I now have a car that is far more than sufficient to meet all my needs. And I'm very grateful to Him and to my parents for helping with that solution.

Relationships- I'm probably more removed from them than I've ever been on a regular basis. Interacting with people is probably next after time spent with God in terms of importance in my life. It's wierd that I've had to forego some of these opportunities to hang out with friends in order to survive the other agenda items that were vying for my time.

Then there's the fun stuff, like helping out with the youth at church. I absolutely love it. I love the kids. The ministers are amazing at what God's called them to do. I love to see it all, and to get to be right there helping facilitate God's work through that ministry is like dessert to me. My experiences there have taught me to relate to and love freshman girls that I was scared I had nothing in common with. I've also learned to be a "switcher" (one who sits at the tech booth and switches from different camera shots with various effects between), a cameragirl (is that the correct term?) who runs around on and in front of the stage while the DNow band is playing (thanks to Will Turner, the intern who insisted I could do the job even though I almost cried when he told me that was my post), and I've learned to believe in and invest in God's work in future generations. The words and time given to me by people during my youth such as Russ Wilkins, Fred Ward, and Ronnie Hill have made a huge difference in my walk over the years. If God can use me in a fraction of that capacity in the life of a student at GBC, I say "yes!" "Here am I, Lord, send me." This, along with school, is my mission field for the moment.

God's solidifying many concepts in my hearts, and it's priceless. I've been walking long enough to not place value on the intensity of emotion I feel at different times and settings but just appreciate when He lets me feel near. I'm learning to truly rest and trust in the Truths of God's Word, just because they're there. And they don't change...ever. That's a victory in itself. That Book is it. All the answers. So if my emotions don't happen to line up, the explanation is usually lack of referral to the Manual for this life.

The thing that most often reminds me of the fact that God is God and I am not is that He never changes. His immutability is my rock to stand on. The only thing I'm consistent at is being inconsistent. But because His ability to use me is NOT dependent on how "good" I am, He can do all things AT ALL TIMES. Praise the Lord that I am His...that I am known by Him and loved by Him...that I have an eternal inheritance that far surpasses everything I can see in this life...that man is but a breath and that HIS love is everlasting!