Tuesday, November 15, 2005
God has really been challenging me lately. Namely, I experienced a real spiritual gut-check yesterday. Just in my thoughts I came to the question of, "Is my perception of God's best for me God's idea of His best for me?" I don't know that I can answer yes to that question. I expect to process His will and His plan like other areas of life, such as here's what I've observed from past experience, here's the precedent that's been set, here's what I can expect. But how limited is that? It's safe, yes, that's what I cling to. But how small is my view of God in that line of thought? I'm for real about agreeing with John Piper in being a Christian hedonist. I believe Jesus in John 10:10 that He really did come to give me a full life and to show me what living is all about. But I think God's calling me to accept the fact that He may not always give me the vision of what's to come before He asks me to make the step of faith. That's not comfortable for me. I like well-calculated risk and rational decision-making. That's not so much the standard in utter dependence and obedience in Christ.
Most of this thought process has resulted from the realizations that in a year and a half, I will not be in school anymore. I can honestly say I have no idea what's next. I'll probably have loans to pay off, so directly to the missionfield may not be an option. Do I want to do a residency? Do I want to give away one year of my life to a hospital for the practice experience and meager pay? That will only help me get ahead if I plan on being a clinical pharmacist in a hospital. Do I? I have no idea.
And now back to Memphis...things are crazy busy, as always. I've recently joined Facebook and MySpace, and I'm absolutely addicted. I miss Brittany, my roommate and best friend who is currently in her hometown of Dallas to do a one-month residency there. We were like a married couple: live in the same room, share a bathroom, debrief about our day, laugh about ridiculous things at midnight that would not be funny during the day, etc.
Things with ASP are hectic, and they will pretty much stay that way until I'm out of office in April. Sure is growing my prayer life. Church is great. I've gotten more involved with the youth group this past week, and it's really been a blessing. I went to see some of my girls in a cheerleading competition on Saturday, and they were awesome! I was so proud. It really made me miss cheering. Yeah, I said it. It was fun, though.
Friday night, Huntingdon played George Carver High School in Memphis at Whitehaven. So Justin and Zach went with me, Mom, and Lee to the game. It was so good. The boys did great. It was close, too: 6 all at halftime. Then H'don kicked it up a notch and brought it home. This pic is of Kellen, my little bro, and me. He's # 16 on the football team, a sophomore. Oh, and did I mention this kid's a gem? Has a heart of gold. I love my fam!