Friday, February 04, 2011


Man, what a motivator.  I can honestly say nothing's been more consistently dominant over the past year.  I've thankfully had pockets of peace where I was abiding and trusting.  But the fear lingers, always.  It just waits for one of my steps to hit remotely uneven ground, and it swoops in to carry me off into an abyss of ominous hypotheticals.  The eternal perspective (the upside) is that it's been opportunity after opportunity to trust God more, minute-by-minute, day-by-day, situation-by-situation.  And sometimes I lean into that.  And other times I run in circles in my mind until I'm too tired to keep going.  And then God meets me there.  With the end result always being God showing up to comfort my heart, you'd think this doesn't sound too bad.  But seriously, how unnecessary are the massive peaks and troughs of my emotional cosin wave?  (Sorry to get all trigonometric on you, it's just what is fitting in my mind.)  And what does that speak to those around me about my belief in God's faithfulness?  I know my lack of belief doesn't diminish His power or His ability to glorify Himself however He chooses, but I want to be a part.  I want to help.  I want to be a living example of a life submitted fully. 

So maybe here's where grace comes in, as tears creep into my line of vision.  Maybe I'll eventually let go of thinking and planning and guarding myself against possible mistakes 3 months from now.  What control do I honestly have over 6 months out?  2 months out?  4 years out?  Why does fear of these times affect me NOW?  I have very little choice in life in the grand scheme of things.  But I have a choice RIGHT NOW.  I can choose to focus on who GOD is.  I can choose to cling to His promises.  I can choose to expect Him to use me in my job, in my church, and in my relationships.  I can choose to let others love me as long as they want to keep trying to.  I can choose to tell fear Who my Dad is, and what He has to say about it:
Isaiah 41:10 (New International Version, ©2010)

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


Anonymous said...

Everyone has fear creep up at different times, and for different circumstances...for some it may be in relationships, or even long distance ones :), for others it is the economy, global chaos, or their job/career. The bottom line is this...although we want it all in this life to be perfect, we know it doesn't work like that. So, God still has to be our joy, hope, all things, even if they are scary. Love ya!

Sharon said...

The Lord has brought you to our minds 5 times in the past 5 days ... so we went on a hunt. Thanks to Kristi, we found your blog.

Your writing is beautiful! Send me an email to That's PROSIGO ... as in "ala meta". Phil 3:14

Hugs from SU GENTE!


Anonymous said...

This is a great way to share the scriptures of the Bible and Jesus. Do not fear for God is with you always.

marcy said...

This is a great way to share the gospel. I do not know you but this gives me an idea about my blog. Thanks for sharing!

God said...

That was a very good read :) Thanks for sharing that, I can compare with a lot of it and it's really wha I've been looking for, thanks again

Rebecca said...

Love your transparency, love the way the Lord has gifted you in writing and getting across His realms of LIGHT into the darkness of physical thinking. You are a 'flipper of rocks.' What a gift! Keep it up-thanks!