They're going to come at you via rapid fire. That's just what I'm feeling tonight. My friend Natalie always dogs me for not blogging more, and I want to. There are things that I think and want to share, but I either don't take the time or decide it's not blog-appropriate. So here's the quick run-through:
- God is blowing my mind with how He's stretching my faith. Those of you who really know me know how long I've wanted to be in a relationship. And now I am. And there is more fear in my heart about loving well and being loved than there was about being alone. Oy! Who saw that one coming?
- I want to somehow start a makeup ministry. I know that sounds weird, but I keep getting opportunities to help my girlfriends get started in celebrating womanhood through cometics and makeup techniques. I love this stuff! There has to be a way it can turn into something of eternal value. Yeah? Why can't I use one means of influence for another?
- I am right-brained. No, for real, I'm talking way right-brained. I like black and white and staying in the lines so much that my counselor assigned me the homework of doing a watercolor! She wants me to see the colors blend and mix and make beauty from chaos. It gives me a furrowed brow even considering STARTING such a task since I have no vision as to where to go or how to get there. I have no artistic vision or creativity in this type of scenario. I bought the supplies today. I'll let you know how that goes.
- This was the worst one: It takes absolute heart crisis for me to set aside time and energy to truly seek God's face in prayer. I'm serious. This week I've been at the edge of sanity a couple of times, and I've never prayed harder or listened more closely in prayer. I love that I'm learning it, and I love how accessible God seems when I get quiet enough to meet with Him. Man, why have I not been doing this for decades?! Seriously?!
- I've asked almost every married woman I've encountered in the past week why she picked him. I'm too old to be naive enough to just fall in love, ride it out, and see what happens. And what I realize is that it's actually a faith issue, not an age issue. So I'm growing in that- well, in both, I guess.
- I hyperfocus on things that bring me joy...so much so that I fall apart anytime they waiver. People are imperfect, so when I put that pressure on people, my sin wave (warning: geometry term!) of emotion has some dramatic peaks and troughs. I would like with all my heart to have my source of joy anchored in the One and only God who is unchanging. The One who is Immutable. The One who saw my today before I was even a thought (Psalm 139:16).
And that's what's been going on. I realize tonight that maybe I'm not a ministry blogger. I'm aware that this post and many others are self-indulgent and much like putting my thoughts on a billboard. But I figure if there are things God is teaching me, maybe it will benefit someone else to hear them. If not, well, then, you're all responsible for holding me accountable. I'll become a writer for ministry later in life. Or maybe I won't. I'm not running this show. You'll have to take that up with Him. ;)