Saturday, August 22, 2009

A Bit Odd

Yes, I am...unapologetically so. But I'm also a little frustrated at being considered in the category of a circus freak when it comes to my outlook on dating and the like. And I don't really date that often. No, despite my family's suspicion, I'm not waiting to marry Jesus. And my "requirements" are not a huge list of 85 things that they have to meet. I promise! At my age and level of understanding of the whole dating/love/compatibility topic (And seriously, people, give me some credit. I've been studying the science of compatibility in detail since my college years. I got tons of data to work with.), I've narrowed what I NEED - and yes, I feel comfortable saying need - down to 3 things.

And I don't go around thinking every man (to be a man) needs to have these three things. I'm not judging you or your husband or your brother. I'm not picking out people that I could be friends with. I'm not saying all godly men look like my 3. When I talk about my 3, I'm only referring to one person, and that's a dude I plan on linking my life with for the rest of it. Yeah, it's a big honkin' deal, so I take it pretty seriously. And in the same way, why would I waste anyone's time or emotion "trying things out" if the basics aren't there? I'm not going to start something hoping or expecting someone to change. Get serious! I'm not enough to be changing big stuff for. It's hard enough for us to keep growing and submitting and learning in our walks with Christ without beating ourselves up. None of us need other PEOPLE adding to our concern for unconditional acceptance.

In the same way, I know me. I'm a lot to deal with. I'm not putting myself down; I'm just being honest. I'm intense. And I just think it's fair to me and to a guy that he know more of this intensity before he invests anything and/or asks me to open myself up to a heart opportunity. So if you're coming to the table with "she goes to church, and I think she's pretty", please don't be surprised when I hit turtle-shell mode at opportunities to spend one-on-one time with you. I got room for friends...all day. There are tons of opportunities to hang out with me and my friends in order to get to know ALL of us better. Do that. Put in the time. Study your subject, wherever or whoever the girl is you've set your sights on. Have more specific things that you like about her if you're going to ask her to show parts of her heart to you. P.S. if you come on the scene in friend mode, you've got a way better chance of getting to know the real her. Be patient...but persistent.

I'm pretty sure (and I've been told) that I don't give off the "yeah, I'm totally approachable vibe". That's kinda on purpose (only when it comes to a dating scenario). Again, it's just statistically weak (the chance of compatibility success). So I'll admit there's a piece of defense mechanism to it. I'll say it: no, I don't want to get hurt. Who does? And yes, I've had my heart broken, and I've been wrong about love. So, booya. Yes, I said it. ;) And I believe in God's plan for my life. I believe He's bigger than my fears and my insecurities. I believe He's bigger than my snap judgments and those made about me.

But for a bit, I'd like to be normal. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just meet new people and try things out. But I know too much about compatibility for it to be that simple for me. I'm not just dating to make new potential friends. I've got a lifetime full of guys friends, and I add to the number all the time. AND I'm thankful for them. BUT to spend repeated one-one-one time with a guy, where there's an air or an openness to future possibilities of dating, he's going to need to have the 3...or at least not exhibit lack of the 3. And then at some point I'll figure out that he's someone I think I could want to be around for the rest of my life. Hopefully by that point, I'll have done my usual (grown on him like a fungus that he couldn't get rid of), and he'll be stuck.

So you've been waiting, so here are the 3:
  1. Has to love Jesus and be willing to do his best to say "yes" to whatever He asks.
  2. Has an urgency to further the Kingdom of God (does NOT have to be a minister, but understands his baseline role as one as a believer)
  3. I can't be able to beat him up, beat him at every sport, weigh more than him, or be taller than him.
See? Not asking that much. ;)
Lord, I find comfort that You are so much bigger than all my neuroses. Father, please make this man's courage bigger as well. Give him wisdom, gentleness, and strength as he weasels his way into my heart. Don't let him be scathed by my theories or my opinions, but in Your time let him see what You see when You see my heart (potential included, because let's get serious: Prov. 31 competency is a little ways off). And please grant me wisdom and discretion about how to avoid this topic in social situations that come my way in the future. ;)


Valerie Bowman said...

I admire your openness. I would be scared to death to write down my heart like you seem to on all of your posts.

LEW said...

It's easier when you assume not many people read this. ;)

Anonymous said...

Have I told you that I love you?
I believe this is definitely your most "open" post...and as you can imagine, I laughed at you. I can't wait to hear what inspired this. As I have always said...God made you...therefore He can make someone for you! Love ya me!