We lost one today.
So many people lost. A young man lost his girlfriend. A father and mother lost their daughter. A sister and friend lost her sister and friend. We lost a friend, a classmate, a future colleague, a member of ASP EC, and a leader at our school. We were given no warning. We did not get to say goodbye. There is no precedent for this. We lost.
Father, please let us find comfort and peace in you during this time. We lift up the family and loved ones of this individual. Please bring your consolation into the deepest hurts in our hearts. We trust that she is with You. May you use this time of grief to bring glory to Yourself. We know that Your ways are not ours (Isaiah 55:8-9), and that Your plan is perfect despite our lack of understanding. Grant us the grace to trust that Your plan is ultimately for good regardless of what we see (Jer. 29:11). Make us know that You have a specific plan for each life you create (Psalm 139). May we be reminded that our lives are short. Remind us that You give us breath for the sole purpose of being like You and reflecting the glory of Who You are. Remind us the difference between eternal and temporal things. Let our investments be for the former rather than the latter.
Father, being known by You makes me long to be with You as this young one is. I pray that you guide our steps in Your will until the day ordained for each of us to leave this life. Hold us, Lord. Let us rest against Your chest (Deut. 33:12) until we get to see You face to face.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Conclusion
I've been restless for the past month or so with life in general due to where I'm at right now, what I have, what I don't have, who I am, responsibilities, decisions, etc. But this morning, I came to the conclusion that if this lack of contentment always leads me to the desparation to know Christ more and be near Him, I'll take it.
I've been restless for the past month or so with life in general due to where I'm at right now, what I have, what I don't have, who I am, responsibilities, decisions, etc. But this morning, I came to the conclusion that if this lack of contentment always leads me to the desparation to know Christ more and be near Him, I'll take it.
Friday, March 24, 2006
UConn's a CROC!
How in the nation can a team seriously pass on in the tournament when the refs just conveniently miss two HUGE calls that could have changed everything? First of all, when a man TRIPS over another player's foot (the clumsy Marcus Williams from UConn), IT'S NOT A FOUL!!! Maybe those pages just weren't in those ref's manual. Who knows? And it seems kinda odd that Dentmon, one of the U-W players that was holdin' things together FOULED OUT on that cruddy call! Interesting! Then, another set of pages that seems to have been misplaced from the ref's manual was GOALTENDING. If the ball is on the arc down due to the pull of gravity, then the other team, according to my understanding, is not allowed to touch the ball! Roy was robbed. However, the refs seemed to have missed this one too! So, the golden team that everyone has placed in their top two CONVENIENTLY moves on...on a fluke.
How in the nation can a team seriously pass on in the tournament when the refs just conveniently miss two HUGE calls that could have changed everything? First of all, when a man TRIPS over another player's foot (the clumsy Marcus Williams from UConn), IT'S NOT A FOUL!!! Maybe those pages just weren't in those ref's manual. Who knows? And it seems kinda odd that Dentmon, one of the U-W players that was holdin' things together FOULED OUT on that cruddy call! Interesting! Then, another set of pages that seems to have been misplaced from the ref's manual was GOALTENDING. If the ball is on the arc down due to the pull of gravity, then the other team, according to my understanding, is not allowed to touch the ball! Roy was robbed. However, the refs seemed to have missed this one too! So, the golden team that everyone has placed in their top two CONVENIENTLY moves on...on a fluke.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Creative homeless signs:
"My wife is kidnapped, and I'm 93 cents short."
"Very bad advice................................1 dollar."
One homeless man pretends to be a bush then lunges out at innocent victims passing by. This makes onlookers laugh, so they give him money.
I will say that in comparison to Memphis, San Francisco has more homeless people and those that are more creative with their panhandling.
I write this not to make light of the poverty problem, but to relay a little humor.
"My wife is kidnapped, and I'm 93 cents short."
"Very bad advice................................1 dollar."
One homeless man pretends to be a bush then lunges out at innocent victims passing by. This makes onlookers laugh, so they give him money.
I will say that in comparison to Memphis, San Francisco has more homeless people and those that are more creative with their panhandling.
I write this not to make light of the poverty problem, but to relay a little humor.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Quarter-Life Crisis
A hard truth of life after college for many unattached young adults is that there's no one that takes an interest in what happens to you on a daily basis. For me, the young adventurer who loved coming back to the dormroom and relaying a meager sighting of the recent crush as if it were worthy of the nightly news to my roommates, who were kind enough to convince me they cared, this is quite an adjustment. My friends, who I was constantly encouraged and inspired by because I saw them on a daily basis, are all over the world, literally. I do have friends who I love and have taken great investment in me, but we all have other obligations now...that require time. And the sad part is...so much of my time is taken up with stuff I have to do that isn't too exciting. That cuts down on the number of quality stories I have to tell. So it's fine in the sense that there's less to tell and less ears to hear. But the problem is that I'm needy, and some aspect of that interaction is therapeutic for me...the entertaining? the being heard? the attention? Not sure. I just get stuck playing different roles during the day so I want to come home and be the core me, which is goofy, loud, obnoxious, and sometimes entertaining to others. But with no audience, I'm stuck with being the core me with just me. Not as much fun.
Please excuse my whining, honesty, and transparency.
A hard truth of life after college for many unattached young adults is that there's no one that takes an interest in what happens to you on a daily basis. For me, the young adventurer who loved coming back to the dormroom and relaying a meager sighting of the recent crush as if it were worthy of the nightly news to my roommates, who were kind enough to convince me they cared, this is quite an adjustment. My friends, who I was constantly encouraged and inspired by because I saw them on a daily basis, are all over the world, literally. I do have friends who I love and have taken great investment in me, but we all have other obligations now...that require time. And the sad part is...so much of my time is taken up with stuff I have to do that isn't too exciting. That cuts down on the number of quality stories I have to tell. So it's fine in the sense that there's less to tell and less ears to hear. But the problem is that I'm needy, and some aspect of that interaction is therapeutic for me...the entertaining? the being heard? the attention? Not sure. I just get stuck playing different roles during the day so I want to come home and be the core me, which is goofy, loud, obnoxious, and sometimes entertaining to others. But with no audience, I'm stuck with being the core me with just me. Not as much fun.
Please excuse my whining, honesty, and transparency.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I leave tomorrow for this meeting. I highly dislike packing. I cannot pack light. I've tried...to no avail. Every time I start out resolved to be meager and sure enough, I end up with my closet in a carry out box. It stems from my desire to be prepared for any and all possible circumstances. Maybe this goes even deeper...I've noticed that the fuel for my analytical nature is the apprehension of mistakes. Oh me, of little faith. After years of walking, you'd think I'd be past simple things. Well, if the chicken and the egg cycle DOES in fact apply to faith and obedience in the Christian walk, then my obedience must be pretty nill to keep my faith muscle so weak. Geesh, that's a harrowing revelation.
But the good news is always grace. And not to cheapen it to something that we shower over us in times of need like Bonhoeffer was disdainful of in Cost of Discipleship, but the costly grace that we turned our lives over to Christ in order to receive. THAT is the grace that allows us to have breath despite the fact that we are sinful. That was in fact paid for with the ultimate cost...the sinless Savior's life. That grace bought for me will allow me to know Truth, know Him, and live for Him and like Him.
I've been kinda down lately. I haven't pinpointed a reason, but I knew I wanted some type of external spiritual food before I left, so I went to the prayer service at my church tonight. It was a small, intimate group of about 50 seniors (mostly, anyway). I had the privilege of praying with a beautiful couple. They were both so grounded in the Word; their prayers were laced with it all throughout their requests. It's been so long since I heard such petition from spiritual warriors with that many battle tales. They were also very encouraging to me as we were leaving. They immediately asked me about myself, my schooling, my plans. God is great when He shows Himself across generations. I wish I had more interaction with older men and women of the faith. There's a wealth of wisdom to be tapped.
Once again, God shows me His faithfulness before I embark on spring break travel. After San Fran, I'm headed to Colorado to ski with my dad, Lecia, Daron, and Kellen. I'm way excited. I'll be back the 25th, and then chaos will hit until April 25th, my last final.
Leave me a comment letting me know what God's been showing you, whether big or small. I want to know.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Would you rather...
lose your sense of sight or sense of hearing? And don't say "neither" because that's a copout response that requires no thought, and we don't have room for nonsense like that on the comment page. I want you to think about it and explain your answer.
The only conditions are as follows:
We ARE talking about at this point in your life. So you HAVE known what it's like to have both. Picture a degenerative disease or something of that hypothetical nature.
Think and then comment! I'm curious...
lose your sense of sight or sense of hearing? And don't say "neither" because that's a copout response that requires no thought, and we don't have room for nonsense like that on the comment page. I want you to think about it and explain your answer.
The only conditions are as follows:
We ARE talking about at this point in your life. So you HAVE known what it's like to have both. Picture a degenerative disease or something of that hypothetical nature.
Think and then comment! I'm curious...
Monday, March 06, 2006
Just as the process referred to in my blog title, life keeps changing. God keeps bringing new highs, new lows, and basic NEWNESS. I've experienced and been challenged with so many situations I never thought I would be in. They're definitely not all bad. They're just NEW, as if I haven't been redundant enough by this point. Let me just go ahead and specify these...um...things that haven't been in my life before...(see how I tried to not use the three-letter word that starts with an N again?)
Stress- I know everyone throws this word around like we do the word water or time or busy, but it's taken on a much more intense effect on me lately. I've mentioned it before in my blogs, but let me reiterate that it hasn't subsided much. Some of the sources of stress (school, ASP presidency, the ASP banquet, finding a place to live and moving to Nashville) will not be alleviated until well into May. However, some of the sources (finding a car, dealing with the wreck, etc.) have come to a close. God has been faithful to hold me through that ordeal, and I now have a car that is far more than sufficient to meet all my needs. And I'm very grateful to Him and to my parents for helping with that solution.
Relationships- I'm probably more removed from them than I've ever been on a regular basis. Interacting with people is probably next after time spent with God in terms of importance in my life. It's wierd that I've had to forego some of these opportunities to hang out with friends in order to survive the other agenda items that were vying for my time.
Then there's the fun stuff, like helping out with the youth at church. I absolutely love it. I love the kids. The ministers are amazing at what God's called them to do. I love to see it all, and to get to be right there helping facilitate God's work through that ministry is like dessert to me. My experiences there have taught me to relate to and love freshman girls that I was scared I had nothing in common with. I've also learned to be a "switcher" (one who sits at the tech booth and switches from different camera shots with various effects between), a cameragirl (is that the correct term?) who runs around on and in front of the stage while the DNow band is playing (thanks to Will Turner, the intern who insisted I could do the job even though I almost cried when he told me that was my post), and I've learned to believe in and invest in God's work in future generations. The words and time given to me by people during my youth such as Russ Wilkins, Fred Ward, and Ronnie Hill have made a huge difference in my walk over the years. If God can use me in a fraction of that capacity in the life of a student at GBC, I say "yes!" "Here am I, Lord, send me." This, along with school, is my mission field for the moment.
God's solidifying many concepts in my hearts, and it's priceless. I've been walking long enough to not place value on the intensity of emotion I feel at different times and settings but just appreciate when He lets me feel near. I'm learning to truly rest and trust in the Truths of God's Word, just because they're there. And they don't change...ever. That's a victory in itself. That Book is it. All the answers. So if my emotions don't happen to line up, the explanation is usually lack of referral to the Manual for this life.
The thing that most often reminds me of the fact that God is God and I am not is that He never changes. His immutability is my rock to stand on. The only thing I'm consistent at is being inconsistent. But because His ability to use me is NOT dependent on how "good" I am, He can do all things AT ALL TIMES. Praise the Lord that I am His...that I am known by Him and loved by Him...that I have an eternal inheritance that far surpasses everything I can see in this life...that man is but a breath and that HIS love is everlasting!
Stress- I know everyone throws this word around like we do the word water or time or busy, but it's taken on a much more intense effect on me lately. I've mentioned it before in my blogs, but let me reiterate that it hasn't subsided much. Some of the sources of stress (school, ASP presidency, the ASP banquet, finding a place to live and moving to Nashville) will not be alleviated until well into May. However, some of the sources (finding a car, dealing with the wreck, etc.) have come to a close. God has been faithful to hold me through that ordeal, and I now have a car that is far more than sufficient to meet all my needs. And I'm very grateful to Him and to my parents for helping with that solution.
Relationships- I'm probably more removed from them than I've ever been on a regular basis. Interacting with people is probably next after time spent with God in terms of importance in my life. It's wierd that I've had to forego some of these opportunities to hang out with friends in order to survive the other agenda items that were vying for my time.
Then there's the fun stuff, like helping out with the youth at church. I absolutely love it. I love the kids. The ministers are amazing at what God's called them to do. I love to see it all, and to get to be right there helping facilitate God's work through that ministry is like dessert to me. My experiences there have taught me to relate to and love freshman girls that I was scared I had nothing in common with. I've also learned to be a "switcher" (one who sits at the tech booth and switches from different camera shots with various effects between), a cameragirl (is that the correct term?) who runs around on and in front of the stage while the DNow band is playing (thanks to Will Turner, the intern who insisted I could do the job even though I almost cried when he told me that was my post), and I've learned to believe in and invest in God's work in future generations. The words and time given to me by people during my youth such as Russ Wilkins, Fred Ward, and Ronnie Hill have made a huge difference in my walk over the years. If God can use me in a fraction of that capacity in the life of a student at GBC, I say "yes!" "Here am I, Lord, send me." This, along with school, is my mission field for the moment.
God's solidifying many concepts in my hearts, and it's priceless. I've been walking long enough to not place value on the intensity of emotion I feel at different times and settings but just appreciate when He lets me feel near. I'm learning to truly rest and trust in the Truths of God's Word, just because they're there. And they don't change...ever. That's a victory in itself. That Book is it. All the answers. So if my emotions don't happen to line up, the explanation is usually lack of referral to the Manual for this life.
The thing that most often reminds me of the fact that God is God and I am not is that He never changes. His immutability is my rock to stand on. The only thing I'm consistent at is being inconsistent. But because His ability to use me is NOT dependent on how "good" I am, He can do all things AT ALL TIMES. Praise the Lord that I am His...that I am known by Him and loved by Him...that I have an eternal inheritance that far surpasses everything I can see in this life...that man is but a breath and that HIS love is everlasting!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Sanctified by glory and fire...
That's a line of one of the songs Chad led us in during the music today at church. I'm seeing it all around me in the lives of my friends as well as in my own life. For me, the question "why?" is almost pointless. You're never guaranteed and certainly not owed an answer. So minus the emotional release that might follow, it doesn't accomplish anything to ask the question. Our friend Job did. And God let him go on with it until about chapters 39 through about 42 ( I don't have a Bible in front of me, so please don't make nasty comments if I'm off by a couple of chapters). However, God finally answers him. And it's probably not what Job was hoping to hear. He didn't technically get an answer but instead received a staunch questioning pointing to the fact that God is God and man is not. You'd think by our generation we'd have this concept nailed. We all know that's not the case.
But back to the original topic of refinement. It's priceless. I didn't say inexpensive, but priceless. It costs everything. And as a Christian who's been walking long at all, you know you don't really have a choice. When you're honest with yourself, you know there's NOTHING ELSE worth living for. We've all tried our tastes with this and that, but it doesn't satisfy. So we're left with surviving the trials. But there's a jewel to be found...
My dear friend Moses Caesar (check out his book at www.mosesbook.com) challenged me when I was going through a rough time to look at times like these as an opportunity to experience God in a way never done before. When you are at your most vulnerable point, you are broken just enough to let God hold you like He never has. Instead of squirming for a way out, the peace comes in resting with the discomfort. Does that make sense? You find comfort in knowing you're being held, God's love and concern for you hasn't changed, and you're just as close to His heart as you've ever been. Check Deut. 33:12. It talks about the one the Lord loves resting between His shoulders. How sweet is that? Knowing we can lay our heads on His chest and REST there.
The verses Moses pointed me towards in this time were in Psalm 131, where the writer is broken. He compares himself to a weaned child. The significance comes in understanding that a weaned child can (1) recognize his need, (2) make his need known to the one that can do something about his need, but (3) he CANNOT do anything about his need himself. This is exactly how we are in life many times. So we rest in God, trusting His truths about His unchanging love for us (John 3:16, Rom. 5:8, Heb. 13:8), His plans for us (Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28, Ps. 139:16), and His eternal victory (John 16:33, Rom. 11:36).
Be strong, take heart, my brothers and sisters, for He has overcome the world, and we are joint heirs with Him!
That's a line of one of the songs Chad led us in during the music today at church. I'm seeing it all around me in the lives of my friends as well as in my own life. For me, the question "why?" is almost pointless. You're never guaranteed and certainly not owed an answer. So minus the emotional release that might follow, it doesn't accomplish anything to ask the question. Our friend Job did. And God let him go on with it until about chapters 39 through about 42 ( I don't have a Bible in front of me, so please don't make nasty comments if I'm off by a couple of chapters). However, God finally answers him. And it's probably not what Job was hoping to hear. He didn't technically get an answer but instead received a staunch questioning pointing to the fact that God is God and man is not. You'd think by our generation we'd have this concept nailed. We all know that's not the case.
But back to the original topic of refinement. It's priceless. I didn't say inexpensive, but priceless. It costs everything. And as a Christian who's been walking long at all, you know you don't really have a choice. When you're honest with yourself, you know there's NOTHING ELSE worth living for. We've all tried our tastes with this and that, but it doesn't satisfy. So we're left with surviving the trials. But there's a jewel to be found...
My dear friend Moses Caesar (check out his book at www.mosesbook.com) challenged me when I was going through a rough time to look at times like these as an opportunity to experience God in a way never done before. When you are at your most vulnerable point, you are broken just enough to let God hold you like He never has. Instead of squirming for a way out, the peace comes in resting with the discomfort. Does that make sense? You find comfort in knowing you're being held, God's love and concern for you hasn't changed, and you're just as close to His heart as you've ever been. Check Deut. 33:12. It talks about the one the Lord loves resting between His shoulders. How sweet is that? Knowing we can lay our heads on His chest and REST there.
The verses Moses pointed me towards in this time were in Psalm 131, where the writer is broken. He compares himself to a weaned child. The significance comes in understanding that a weaned child can (1) recognize his need, (2) make his need known to the one that can do something about his need, but (3) he CANNOT do anything about his need himself. This is exactly how we are in life many times. So we rest in God, trusting His truths about His unchanging love for us (John 3:16, Rom. 5:8, Heb. 13:8), His plans for us (Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28, Ps. 139:16), and His eternal victory (John 16:33, Rom. 11:36).
Be strong, take heart, my brothers and sisters, for He has overcome the world, and we are joint heirs with Him!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
Question posed...Need response
Many times the issue of whether God allows or directly causes things to happen has been disputed. Some may say there's not a difference between them; if He's in control, then whatever happens was His will, right? Well, here's what initiated the thought process for me.
I was reading James 1:13, where in the latter part of the verse, James says "He Himself does not tempt anyone" (NASB). So God doesn't tempt people. The Bible says so. But consider Job. Satan asked God to have his way with His servant, and God allowed him to take things away. What about Jesus in the desert. He was definitely tempted. Was that God's will? We know it was part of Him embracing full humanness and exemplary in showing us how to respond. So it definitely served a purpose. And I believe God received glory in both the instance of Job and Jesus in the desert.
So I think this is sufficient evidence to show that there is a difference between God "doing" something and Him "allowing" something to occur. I believe He can receive glory from anything He decides (Rom. 8:28, Isa. 55:8-9, Acts 17:26-27).
Now the concept of His will...that's a whole other region of obscurity. Do things become His will after they have deviated from His best. Can His best ever include sin and its consequences? We all know He can repair and create beauty in the ugliest of circumstances, but what do you call that? His will? I have a hard time discerning where to use that phrase. Maybe we should ease up on that. What does Ecc. 5:2 and 6:11 say?
Many times the issue of whether God allows or directly causes things to happen has been disputed. Some may say there's not a difference between them; if He's in control, then whatever happens was His will, right? Well, here's what initiated the thought process for me.
I was reading James 1:13, where in the latter part of the verse, James says "He Himself does not tempt anyone" (NASB). So God doesn't tempt people. The Bible says so. But consider Job. Satan asked God to have his way with His servant, and God allowed him to take things away. What about Jesus in the desert. He was definitely tempted. Was that God's will? We know it was part of Him embracing full humanness and exemplary in showing us how to respond. So it definitely served a purpose. And I believe God received glory in both the instance of Job and Jesus in the desert.
So I think this is sufficient evidence to show that there is a difference between God "doing" something and Him "allowing" something to occur. I believe He can receive glory from anything He decides (Rom. 8:28, Isa. 55:8-9, Acts 17:26-27).
Now the concept of His will...that's a whole other region of obscurity. Do things become His will after they have deviated from His best. Can His best ever include sin and its consequences? We all know He can repair and create beauty in the ugliest of circumstances, but what do you call that? His will? I have a hard time discerning where to use that phrase. Maybe we should ease up on that. What does Ecc. 5:2 and 6:11 say?
NAT and BRAD
These kids are adorable. They both look 15 in this pic. That's why I love it. More accurate than you know. Since Nat and I moved from 2,000 square feet over in Midtown to the 1100 square feet of our downtown apartment, the luxury of space has eluded us. Needless to say, we get to spend much more time together. And I like it. Brad lives in the same complex, so he's less than within walking distance. We all ride out to GBC together, and lately we've shared a lot of meals together. But they're precious. I love being around them. They both have such an energy...kind of like that of a 5-year-old. All the time. Until either of them get still. Then they nap for hours at a time. It's hilarious. The randomness that comes out of their mouth and the volume at which they speak it always ensures an entertaining time. And all they have in common is just so fitting. It's a great story. God's amazing for writing it and letting me read it.
And I typed this in the color of my bridesmaid dress on purpose.
These kids are adorable. They both look 15 in this pic. That's why I love it. More accurate than you know. Since Nat and I moved from 2,000 square feet over in Midtown to the 1100 square feet of our downtown apartment, the luxury of space has eluded us. Needless to say, we get to spend much more time together. And I like it. Brad lives in the same complex, so he's less than within walking distance. We all ride out to GBC together, and lately we've shared a lot of meals together. But they're precious. I love being around them. They both have such an energy...kind of like that of a 5-year-old. All the time. Until either of them get still. Then they nap for hours at a time. It's hilarious. The randomness that comes out of their mouth and the volume at which they speak it always ensures an entertaining time. And all they have in common is just so fitting. It's a great story. God's amazing for writing it and letting me read it.
And I typed this in the color of my bridesmaid dress on purpose.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
I'm so full.
Today was amazing. At 2: something this morning, I went to bed after cutting up with Nat, watching a stupid movie on tv, and washing my face. However, I put off studying the Fusion lesson until the morning. I did, however, pray in repentance for being such a horrible steward of my time and energy. I had such a feeling of dread for having been so irresponsible. This is me being transparent. So I woke up early (about four hours later) and cranked up my newly-received coffee maker. I prayed God would just work in spite of me to communicate His Truth to my girls this morning. It's not that I personally have ever had anything worth giving, but I had definitely dropped the ball this time. So I read, prepared, prayed, and went to church.
Nat and I were running a little late, but I showed up right on time to less of my girls present than usual. I was so excited to give them their little goody bags of candy for Valentine's Day. They are my valentines. And they're the best ones I've had (and the only ones, shh, don't tell) in 7 years. lol. Yeah, I'm serious. But God totally worked in that time. The girls were responsive, attentive, and really engaged in the lesson. I even got choked up when I kinda chased a rabbit to share with them how much they mean to me and how much I hope for them in Christ. I love those girls. They really encourage me. Heck, one of them even called me this week just to talk! That made my day for sure. She even advertised for me today in class, telling the other girls that I was fun to talk to and (get this:) that I knew, like, EVERYTHING. lol. I definitely denied it, but laughed.
In the service, Matt and Meg came to visit since they were commissioning the Evangelism Explosion group and Matt was a part. I had the luxury of reminiscing when Meg and I would always sit together and sing different harmonies to the songs. It was great. The prayer time during the service was intense after Pastor Sam shared various tragedies going on around the world. The main ones hitting me were that thousands were dying in genocide in Sudan, and that missionaries were being evacuated from Venezuela. Yep, my country that I spent a summer of my life in was kicking out the vessels of Truth. I all but weaped during that prayer, but it was rich and I was glad to get to help bear the pain.
After church, a group of us went to lunch with Matt and Meg. Conversation and humor were delicious. My friends and the people God has brought across my path at GBC are some jewels if I've ever seen them. I left with that contented sentiment that you get after having been with those who appreciate you.
Tonight I joined the youth for Difference Makers, a program that teaches students to be servants every day to their classmates. We imitated the persecuted church by going in groups of two to this secluded hallway up a stairwell to meet. Phil gave us each a story of a person or a group that was being persecuted around the world. We then shared about them and prayed. The prayers were amazing. God was definitely there. I, of course, teared up again.
Then basketball. I had a blast this week. I'm getting a little better, but I've just now overcome the intense fear of looking stupid...which worked to my advantage because I absolutely busted it one time tonight when I tripped over the feet of a teammate. lol. Yeah, it was funny; you can laugh. And Casey, you'd be soooo honkin' proud. One time I was wide open at the 3-point line, they passed me the ball, somebody yelled "Shoot!" I replied, "okay" nonchalantly. Sure enough, threw that junk up and nothin' but net! Money! I was so excited, and immediately proclaimed that it would never happen again. I got congrats from both teams. I really enjoyed my team, and I love hanging out with the kids. I wish I could just get inside all of their hearts, inject them with the Truth of who they are in Christ, tell them how cool I think they are, challenge them to be men and women of God, and see the fruit. But I leave in May. Leaving this ministry makes me the saddest about leaving Memphis. Germantown Baptist, so much of it, is the single thing I'll miss the most.
Today was amazing. At 2: something this morning, I went to bed after cutting up with Nat, watching a stupid movie on tv, and washing my face. However, I put off studying the Fusion lesson until the morning. I did, however, pray in repentance for being such a horrible steward of my time and energy. I had such a feeling of dread for having been so irresponsible. This is me being transparent. So I woke up early (about four hours later) and cranked up my newly-received coffee maker. I prayed God would just work in spite of me to communicate His Truth to my girls this morning. It's not that I personally have ever had anything worth giving, but I had definitely dropped the ball this time. So I read, prepared, prayed, and went to church.
Nat and I were running a little late, but I showed up right on time to less of my girls present than usual. I was so excited to give them their little goody bags of candy for Valentine's Day. They are my valentines. And they're the best ones I've had (and the only ones, shh, don't tell) in 7 years. lol. Yeah, I'm serious. But God totally worked in that time. The girls were responsive, attentive, and really engaged in the lesson. I even got choked up when I kinda chased a rabbit to share with them how much they mean to me and how much I hope for them in Christ. I love those girls. They really encourage me. Heck, one of them even called me this week just to talk! That made my day for sure. She even advertised for me today in class, telling the other girls that I was fun to talk to and (get this:) that I knew, like, EVERYTHING. lol. I definitely denied it, but laughed.
In the service, Matt and Meg came to visit since they were commissioning the Evangelism Explosion group and Matt was a part. I had the luxury of reminiscing when Meg and I would always sit together and sing different harmonies to the songs. It was great. The prayer time during the service was intense after Pastor Sam shared various tragedies going on around the world. The main ones hitting me were that thousands were dying in genocide in Sudan, and that missionaries were being evacuated from Venezuela. Yep, my country that I spent a summer of my life in was kicking out the vessels of Truth. I all but weaped during that prayer, but it was rich and I was glad to get to help bear the pain.
After church, a group of us went to lunch with Matt and Meg. Conversation and humor were delicious. My friends and the people God has brought across my path at GBC are some jewels if I've ever seen them. I left with that contented sentiment that you get after having been with those who appreciate you.
Tonight I joined the youth for Difference Makers, a program that teaches students to be servants every day to their classmates. We imitated the persecuted church by going in groups of two to this secluded hallway up a stairwell to meet. Phil gave us each a story of a person or a group that was being persecuted around the world. We then shared about them and prayed. The prayers were amazing. God was definitely there. I, of course, teared up again.
Then basketball. I had a blast this week. I'm getting a little better, but I've just now overcome the intense fear of looking stupid...which worked to my advantage because I absolutely busted it one time tonight when I tripped over the feet of a teammate. lol. Yeah, it was funny; you can laugh. And Casey, you'd be soooo honkin' proud. One time I was wide open at the 3-point line, they passed me the ball, somebody yelled "Shoot!" I replied, "okay" nonchalantly. Sure enough, threw that junk up and nothin' but net! Money! I was so excited, and immediately proclaimed that it would never happen again. I got congrats from both teams. I really enjoyed my team, and I love hanging out with the kids. I wish I could just get inside all of their hearts, inject them with the Truth of who they are in Christ, tell them how cool I think they are, challenge them to be men and women of God, and see the fruit. But I leave in May. Leaving this ministry makes me the saddest about leaving Memphis. Germantown Baptist, so much of it, is the single thing I'll miss the most.
Friday, February 10, 2006
SNOW
We got some of that today. It was pretty for awhile, quickly transforming into sludge that makes the bottom of your jeans dirty. It was a nice, laidback Friday afternoon. Nat and I were counting our blessings that we went ahead and moved downtown. EXAMPLE: we were able to just walk with Brad tonight a couple blocks to eat at Huey's, then to Peabody Place to watch a movie. It was kinda funny...they have already seen almost everything out, and I've seen almost nothing. So I decided to go to a movie by myself while they saw a scary movie, which I don't do.
Last Holiday with Queen Latifah was my choice. It looked cute, light, and guaranteed a good ending. I wasn't disappointed. Irony was present, though. I'm sitting there watching her experience this life trauma and respond to it BY HERSELF. And she seemed almost satisfied to do so. The irony comes in because I was sitting in the theater BY MYSELF. No, I mean, ALL by myself. There was not another soul in the place. (You can only imagine how the Lauren Webb cackle echoed through the place at certain parts.) But it was neat in that I was content to do so.
God has answered too many prayers and shown Himself in too many ways for me to whine about what culture, society, or even my own thoughts pressure me into: why am I alone? There's always the little arrows Satan uses to try to get a foothold: is there something wrong with me that I can't see? Is there something I'm supposed to learn that I haven't been equipped with yet? Am I even datable?
But God hasn't failed me yet. And I don't have an urgency in this area, because He keeps showing me that He's here. He's going with me. He's planned it all out for me. And right now, it's my adventure to live. If He decides at some point, He'll intertwine someone else's story with mine, GREAT. If not, GREAT. The presence or absence of this life partnership that I see people around me joying in has no weight in my worth. God's grace is allowing me to be genuinely happy and joyful with them and at the same time be happy being me...here...now.
I guess that's the beauty of the process...
We got some of that today. It was pretty for awhile, quickly transforming into sludge that makes the bottom of your jeans dirty. It was a nice, laidback Friday afternoon. Nat and I were counting our blessings that we went ahead and moved downtown. EXAMPLE: we were able to just walk with Brad tonight a couple blocks to eat at Huey's, then to Peabody Place to watch a movie. It was kinda funny...they have already seen almost everything out, and I've seen almost nothing. So I decided to go to a movie by myself while they saw a scary movie, which I don't do.
Last Holiday with Queen Latifah was my choice. It looked cute, light, and guaranteed a good ending. I wasn't disappointed. Irony was present, though. I'm sitting there watching her experience this life trauma and respond to it BY HERSELF. And she seemed almost satisfied to do so. The irony comes in because I was sitting in the theater BY MYSELF. No, I mean, ALL by myself. There was not another soul in the place. (You can only imagine how the Lauren Webb cackle echoed through the place at certain parts.) But it was neat in that I was content to do so.
God has answered too many prayers and shown Himself in too many ways for me to whine about what culture, society, or even my own thoughts pressure me into: why am I alone? There's always the little arrows Satan uses to try to get a foothold: is there something wrong with me that I can't see? Is there something I'm supposed to learn that I haven't been equipped with yet? Am I even datable?
But God hasn't failed me yet. And I don't have an urgency in this area, because He keeps showing me that He's here. He's going with me. He's planned it all out for me. And right now, it's my adventure to live. If He decides at some point, He'll intertwine someone else's story with mine, GREAT. If not, GREAT. The presence or absence of this life partnership that I see people around me joying in has no weight in my worth. God's grace is allowing me to be genuinely happy and joyful with them and at the same time be happy being me...here...now.
I guess that's the beauty of the process...
Monday, February 06, 2006
CHANGE
So much is occurring...and has occurred. Some I foresaw; others abruptly interrupted life as planned. But I see all of them as opportunities to learn new things about God's plan for my life and His character and His faithfulness.
Thank all of you for the kind words about the wreck. God definitely kept both of us safe, and the process to getting all that hemmed up is underway. I have something to drive, and it's more than sufficient.
Natalie and I moved on Saturday. Many, many thanks to Brad, Wade, Taylor, and Zach for providing brawn as we hauled two trailer-fuls of stuff downtown. We're still putting stuff where we think it should fit and making daily trips back to the sunshine house to retrieve a little at a time.
School's more than back in full swing. It's definitely assuming its normal position of trying to suffocate me, along with ASP. But it's a great use of time right now. I like what I'm learning.
Friends are great. I have so many great ones. I don't talk to anyone daily, besides Nat, but there are constants whether they're in Memphis or not even in the continental US. I love and appreciate you all. And of course, the family's always amazing.
We got our rotation picks for next year today. I'm very excited about my Nashville experience. It will be here in less than 4 months. Yay...more change. I'm banking on Hebrews 13:8.
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
So much is occurring...and has occurred. Some I foresaw; others abruptly interrupted life as planned. But I see all of them as opportunities to learn new things about God's plan for my life and His character and His faithfulness.
Thank all of you for the kind words about the wreck. God definitely kept both of us safe, and the process to getting all that hemmed up is underway. I have something to drive, and it's more than sufficient.
Natalie and I moved on Saturday. Many, many thanks to Brad, Wade, Taylor, and Zach for providing brawn as we hauled two trailer-fuls of stuff downtown. We're still putting stuff where we think it should fit and making daily trips back to the sunshine house to retrieve a little at a time.
School's more than back in full swing. It's definitely assuming its normal position of trying to suffocate me, along with ASP. But it's a great use of time right now. I like what I'm learning.
Friends are great. I have so many great ones. I don't talk to anyone daily, besides Nat, but there are constants whether they're in Memphis or not even in the continental US. I love and appreciate you all. And of course, the family's always amazing.
We got our rotation picks for next year today. I'm very excited about my Nashville experience. It will be here in less than 4 months. Yay...more change. I'm banking on Hebrews 13:8.
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
Thursday, February 02, 2006
I was driving down Southern Ave. on my way to meet Vilas, my president-elect, before Fuel. I needed to catch up with him since I've been out of the ASP loop for over a month now. The roads have been wet, so I knew not to drive my usual style. I saw a silver Ford Focus stopped at a stop sign on my right. She had just crossed the rail road tracks. Then I saw the
unthinkable, she was inching out as if no one were coming. Sure enough, she kept coming until it was unevitable that I slammed into her driver's side door. I slammed on my brakes, but my tires didn't catch, and swerving didn't help. It was like the All State commercial. I keep playing it over in my head. I anticipated the impact, and then it seemed like an explosion. The car stopped immediately, and after taking inventory to see that I was okay, no bleeding, no apparent broken bones, I noticed the car was smoking. My airbags had come out, and my lip was still burning from where they must have caught me. I jumped out of the ca
r immediately after grabbing what I thought was my cell phone (it ended up being my Ipod) because my fear was that my car might explode. Then it hit me to check on the other driver. She was
okay, a little woozy, but unable to get out of her door. A girl had been behind the other driver at the stop sign and seen the whole thing. She was amazingly helpful and called 911 for us. There is a fire department right down the way, so we got them to come out since my car was leaking gas. I stayed calm the whole time, trying to discern the best way to handle everything. I try to cover my bases so that I don't have regrets later. The police came out, got a report, and they hauled our cars off. I only teared up talking to my stepdad and my buddy, Taylor, who came and got me.
It's amazing how things happen so quickly yet change so much about our lives. I've been so hungry lately to grow, and God has really been feeding me through His Word, prayer, and fellowship with others. So I knew He was in control and allowed this to happen for a reason. My prayer is that I glean everything I can from the experience. He is faithful. It could have been so much worse. I look at this time of adversity (finding a rental, getting my car back or finding a new one) as a challenge to better me. I trust God to finish His work in me (Phil. 1:6). I've asked Him to by whatever means necessary. Every experience is preparation for the rest of my life, whether on earth or beyond. That's how I see it. He's big enough to where I don't have to worry, wonder, or fear the unknown.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Psalm 73
Asaph is speaking here as an honest minister. He addresses the fact that it bothered him for a bit how godless, worldly people seemed to have it all. He goes on and on about the "advantage" the apathetic seem to have over those, like himself, who are doing their best to be pure in heart as they follow hard after God. I couldn't help but relate as I see today's celebrities seemingly "living the good life". When the names "Paris Hilton" or "Tom Cruise" are mentioned, what comes to mind for you? Do you wonder what their lives are based on? I always do.
If I could interview everyone in the world and ask them all only one question, it would be "What about your life is the last thought at the end of the day that allows you to sleep at night?". It's a simple production of syntax that basically addresses what people feel their purpose is, or what the purpose of life is in general.
But Asaph notices that these wealthy, successful, beautiful, arrogant people seem to be immune to this thought process. And he almost regrets trying to keep himself pure. He wonders if it's been worth it...
Then in verses 16 and 17, illumination comes. He tries to reconcile himself to what he feels is injustice, and when he ends up in mental oppression, he enters the sanctuary of God. Then it all becomes clear. He gets that eternal perspective of which 2 Corinthians 4:18 speaks. His humanness is exposed, and it's ugly to him. The beauty is God's, and He let's Asaph behold it (vs. 24) when he begins to listen.
Verses 25-28 are words to live on. I would suggest committing these to memory. The honesty and clarity with which he speaks them is beautiful...
Asaph is speaking here as an honest minister. He addresses the fact that it bothered him for a bit how godless, worldly people seemed to have it all. He goes on and on about the "advantage" the apathetic seem to have over those, like himself, who are doing their best to be pure in heart as they follow hard after God. I couldn't help but relate as I see today's celebrities seemingly "living the good life". When the names "Paris Hilton" or "Tom Cruise" are mentioned, what comes to mind for you? Do you wonder what their lives are based on? I always do.
If I could interview everyone in the world and ask them all only one question, it would be "What about your life is the last thought at the end of the day that allows you to sleep at night?". It's a simple production of syntax that basically addresses what people feel their purpose is, or what the purpose of life is in general.
But Asaph notices that these wealthy, successful, beautiful, arrogant people seem to be immune to this thought process. And he almost regrets trying to keep himself pure. He wonders if it's been worth it...
Then in verses 16 and 17, illumination comes. He tries to reconcile himself to what he feels is injustice, and when he ends up in mental oppression, he enters the sanctuary of God. Then it all becomes clear. He gets that eternal perspective of which 2 Corinthians 4:18 speaks. His humanness is exposed, and it's ugly to him. The beauty is God's, and He let's Asaph behold it (vs. 24) when he begins to listen.
Verses 25-28 are words to live on. I would suggest committing these to memory. The honesty and clarity with which he speaks them is beautiful...
25 Whom have I in heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from You will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to You.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all Your deeds.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Father,
My prayer is a simple one...
Grant me authenticity.
Make me wholly and undividedly Yours.
Pour me out;
Fill me up with You.
Melt me down...
'til all that's left is You.
Peel the layers.
Uncloud my soul until I'm transparent.
Make me a mirror that reflects Your glory.
Simplify me.
I was blessed to spend time tonight with some of my friends from college. Like bleach, just the conversation was cleansing, enlightening, and horrifying. I love how old friends come back in during new phases and you have a landmark to show you who you were and who you've become. It's not always a pleasant thing. Being back around the Union environment reminded me of the desperation with which I used to seek obedience to God. As I age, behind my back, roots go down...into plans, into hopes, into expectations that are solely temporal. And it hurts when God answers my prayer to draw me to Him...because He has to rip up the roots. And I'm better for it.
But I'm constantly bound...by desire for control of perceptions, of image, of results. Ultimately I'm deceived...then rendered handicapped for eternal use. The beauty is I wasn't redeemed for the purpose of perfection, but for Him. ONLY for Him. So I'm a wreck, a wretch, and in using me as I am, He is the only possible source and recipient of glory. So goes the story of mankind. Isaiah 55:8-9 will go a long way.
Father,
rip up my roots.
I surrender all esteem of man,
others' and my own.
Make my wholly and only Yours.
Cause invisibility to be my desire.
And let me see You.
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." -Matthew 5:8
My prayer is a simple one...
Grant me authenticity.
Make me wholly and undividedly Yours.
Pour me out;
Fill me up with You.
Melt me down...
'til all that's left is You.
Peel the layers.
Uncloud my soul until I'm transparent.
Make me a mirror that reflects Your glory.
Simplify me.
I was blessed to spend time tonight with some of my friends from college. Like bleach, just the conversation was cleansing, enlightening, and horrifying. I love how old friends come back in during new phases and you have a landmark to show you who you were and who you've become. It's not always a pleasant thing. Being back around the Union environment reminded me of the desperation with which I used to seek obedience to God. As I age, behind my back, roots go down...into plans, into hopes, into expectations that are solely temporal. And it hurts when God answers my prayer to draw me to Him...because He has to rip up the roots. And I'm better for it.
But I'm constantly bound...by desire for control of perceptions, of image, of results. Ultimately I'm deceived...then rendered handicapped for eternal use. The beauty is I wasn't redeemed for the purpose of perfection, but for Him. ONLY for Him. So I'm a wreck, a wretch, and in using me as I am, He is the only possible source and recipient of glory. So goes the story of mankind. Isaiah 55:8-9 will go a long way.
Father,
rip up my roots.
I surrender all esteem of man,
others' and my own.
Make my wholly and only Yours.
Cause invisibility to be my desire.
And let me see You.
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." -Matthew 5:8
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
I'm way excited!
I'm going to see "CHICAGO" Friday night at the Orpheum! Once again, my friend Zach has contacted "a man he knows" and gotten tickets. I've never been to the Orpheum. My exposure to plays is pretty much limited to the senior class of Huntingdon High School, a couple of Union shows, Phantom and the Fantastics in NYC in high shool, and one visit to Ford's Theater in DC. So no TPAC or any other TN performances...until now. I'll let you know what I think. Surprised? Me expressing opinion?
And Payten is doing well. She feels fine, which may be the annoying part, but her spleen is still outta control. So I'll keep you posted. At best, she could be well enough to play at tournament time, but we have no way of knowing. Thank you so much for your prayers.
I'm going to see "CHICAGO" Friday night at the Orpheum! Once again, my friend Zach has contacted "a man he knows" and gotten tickets. I've never been to the Orpheum. My exposure to plays is pretty much limited to the senior class of Huntingdon High School, a couple of Union shows, Phantom and the Fantastics in NYC in high shool, and one visit to Ford's Theater in DC. So no TPAC or any other TN performances...until now. I'll let you know what I think. Surprised? Me expressing opinion?
And Payten is doing well. She feels fine, which may be the annoying part, but her spleen is still outta control. So I'll keep you posted. At best, she could be well enough to play at tournament time, but we have no way of knowing. Thank you so much for your prayers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)