Jesus, keep me near the cross,

There a precious fountain,

Free to all, a healing stream,

Flows from Calv'ry's mountain.

In the cross, in the cross

Be my glory ever,

Till my ransomed soul shall find

Rest beyond the river.

Near the cross! O Lamb of God,

Bring its scenes before me,

Help me walk from day to day

With its shadow o'er me.

In the cross, in the cross

Be my glory ever,

Till my ransomed soul shall find

Rest beyond the river.

"My life would be way better if it had a soundtrack playing behind it."

-my roommate Katie...this quote was priceless.

In 23 days I leave for Budapest, Hungary! How crazy is that?!

Dr. Cross's church, Christ Fellowship, was a whole different story...actually, no, it's the same as the others...I loved the people there! They were fun and crazy like me! AND they love Jesus! Double whammy. Can't beat that when it comes to friends to keep close. We ended up getting a girl's group to eat together on Monday nights. We always ended up hanging around to chat and cut up. The people there were so welcoming and encouraging.

The other lovely people we worked with include Kay, Barbara, and Candice up at the front. They were fun and kept us informed on the free food upstairs. Robyn is a nurse there that keeps everyone upbeat with her constant smile and jovial attitude. Michelle's super-nice and was always on the look-out for someone to hook me up with. lol. Sorry...no stories to tell on that. Sylvia was a trip. I love this little lady. Every place of work needs one of her around to keep things on track. You better not have food or drink in your mouth when she launches into a story or you're choking...guaranteed. The picture here is of her "dog and the catheter" story. Don't ask...unless you really wanna know.

Farewell, my dear Kingsport...

It was a great month. I loved the people: in the clinic, the patients, the community, the church-folk. And of course, Clara was a bombin' roommate. We fit really well. It was great to spend time with and cut up with ol' Ben Gross...I'm sorry, Dr. Ben Gross. You may remember him as my big brother in ASP (the president before me). He's doing really well there, and the site is just phenomenal.

Dr. Cross is great, as always. Such a pioneer in the profession. This guy's the diabetes guru. With him, Dr. Wood, Dr. Foard, and Kim, you're bound to get your "sugar" under control...assuming you listen to them. lol. That definitely can't be assumed...patient compliance.



The scenery's pretty up in East TN. I expected it to be. Weather's a little easier on you than Nashville or Memphis, but still hot.


So from this experience, I can say I LOVE ambulatory care. I was so at home talking to the patients, explaining to them why they're on what they're on and what they need to change to improve their health. You feel so alive when you're doing what you feel created to do. That's what I got in the clinic seeing patients.

Looking forward...I WILL be doing a residency. It WILL be far away...from home/Memphis/where I've been before. So who knows? I'll keep you posted. That's where I am right now in the process.

Justice is served

I know most of you will not be surprised...but I received a speeding ticket tonight from a state trooper in Putnam County (Cookeville) on my way to Nashville from Kingsport. I was rolling on, making good time, averaging about 85 when he got me. 85 in a 70. He was really nice, and I was surprisingly polite as well. However, that didn't keep him from slapping a big 159 dollar fine on there. It could have been worse. It could have been better. It did get better. The court date he gave me is the day I'll be flying to Hungary...righhhhhht. Guess which I'm picking? I think I just have to call a number and get it changed.

So all of you who were thinking "I told you so": we'll just pretend I can hear you. Thanks.

This past Thursday and Friday I had the great opportunity to participate in health screenings at the Opryland Hotel. It was the National Conference for State Legislators, and a pharmacy alliance group was representing the profession by offering services such as cholesterol panels, blood pressure, bone density, body fat analysis, respiratory function testing, and heartburn awareness screenings. The first day I counseled patients on their results from their lipid (cholesterol) panel, explaining what the numbers meant and what they could do to change them if needed. I loved it! I got to interact with so many interesting people, and they were all really nice. It gave me a reminder as to why I'm in school and what I hope to be when I get out. I really felt my niche there, talking to them about their life and their health. All the while we wanted to make lawmakers aware of our capacity as primary care providers in some ways. Some states don't allow pharmacists to perform any of the collaborative practices such as these types of screenings or immunizations. Whether it be from lack of lobbying from their pharmacist political action groups or opposition from the medical advocacy groups, something needs to change. They are valuable services, and pharmacists are the most accessible health care professional. We should be allowed to be as functional as we're equipped to be. Obviously, I'm biased...

Then yesterday we moved Payten into her new dormroom at Belmont. Her roommate's really sweet, and neither of them are music majors, so it should work out great. One of Payten's biggest concerns was that everyone there was music-oriented, and about 85 % of the kids are...but not all. The campus is beautiful. They just keep improving it. I'm excited for her.

Today I'm headed back to Kingsport...it's gonna be a crazy week. We leave for Memphis on Wednesday for the residency showcase on Thursday...then maybe Huntingdon on Friday...then a wedding in Nashville on Saturday...ugh. Someone slow me down. Oh wait, then my presentation on Monday and rotation test next Tuesday...great! Somebody give me September already!

Kingsport

It's been great up here. Clara is a great roommate, one of the best I could have had. The experience at the site has been amazing due to a few things...

• Ben Gross, my "big brother" from ASP (the president before me), is doing his residency here. So I've gotten to see patients with him and learn from him and with him.
• Dr. Cross is one of the best and most progressive pharmacists I've ever met. It's been such a blessing to see his practice and learn from it.
• The people in the Disease State Management clinic are great! The women at the front, the MD, the other pharmacist, the PA, the nurses, and all the staff here have been so nice and generous to us.
• East TN is not too bad. The scenery is pretty. I wonder if I'm in a time warp every once in a while, but the people are super-nice for the most part.
• What they do here in Disease State Mgmt is phenomenal. They truly improve people's quality of life. They take time to listen, and they CARE about their patients and what will make their lives easier.

Most of our lives this month has been consumed by the rotation, I'll be honest. But I haven't minded...at all. That's really not like me, either. I'm just trying to see what I enjoy the most and trying to equip myself with the clinical skills I need to do what these people do every day: help people.

One more thing:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REEMS!!!!

Almost there...

at the quarter-life crisis. Oh, it's real. I've talked to friends going through it. And since my recent conversion to a 24-year-old, I've tasted a bit of it. Turning 24 honestly made me feel a little old and caused me to quickly assess my life so far: what I've accomplished, what I have of worth, and what I'm without. Then it made me assess what others may or may not perceive about me.

People consider me an adult. That's crazy.

What qualifies a person as "grown-up"? Is there an efficiency exam or some type of baseline values to be reached? I'm not sure how well I'd do on that.

Just a few years ago, I was still staying up all night, cutting up with college roommates when I should have been studying for finals. The questions I ask about life and love haven't changed that much since that time. Have I become a more keen observer or am I just looking at different things now?

My friends now have real jobs. They pay mortgages. Some have kids. Some are being given the opportunity to teach children in school. These are all huge responsibilities. When do you know you can handle it? When you're there? in the midst of it?

I'm gonna chalk my perceived childishness up to being adventurous and carry it proudly. I'll always be a learner, so my mind won't often rest. The point of stability beneath it all is that I know WHO holds it all. And in Him, all things hold together (Col. 1:17). I don't have to be or have accomplished "something" in the eyes of men (or in my own!) to have worth. He's done more than validate me. He's loved me as I am. The more I can lay hold of that, the less time I'll spend on futile questions.

A Good birthday...

Last Thursday consisted of several phone calls, a bunch of text messages, about 10 Myspace comments, and about 25 Facebook wall postings wishing me a happy birthday. I intended to thank each well-wisher individually, but I didn't know when I was going to have time to hunt down each message-leaver. So if you left one, and you're reading this--Thank you so much!

I went out with some friends in Nashville to eat sushi, which I hadn't had since I left Memphis and was missing greatly. Then we went to see Andy Davis play at 12th and Porter. That kid's the bomb. Check out his music if you haven't. He's money. Very soulful, pop-ish, but rich tunes. We also saw Sam and Ruby; these kids are phenomenal...voices like I've never heard.

This weekend I went home to see my fam, and it was great! I missed them so much. I'm still really sad because I'm not getting to take the annual trip with mom and them to Destin for a week. Instead I'm trekking up to Kingsport, TN to do a rotation up there. I think this rotation will be one of the best ones all year, I'm just a little nervous about Kingsport. Not gonna know anybody. Not gonna have much to do outside of my rotation...little nervous. I know it'll work out. I'm with a cool girl from my class, so I won't be alone. Plus my big bro from ASP, Ben Gross, is actually doing his residency up there. PLUS, my preceptor's one of my favorite professors, so there are positives.

I just wanted to make sure you all knew that I still got it. I was watching about 12 kids play in my dad's pool after VBS on Saturday, and there were these fearless little boys, two brothers, who were flippin' away on the diving board. Curiousity got the best of me as to whether or not the new 24-year-old could still pull a back tuck off the diving board. So, after retrieving my suit, I headed straight for the board without yet getting wet. When I finally made it to the end of the board and after I almost lost my balance. I threw that sucker... And I made it...all the way around in the rotation before I hit the water. I was so proud. I'm old and out of shape, but dangit, I can still throw a tuck jumping off the diving board. What up now, playa?

See? And I'm still a big goof-ball...don't see me growing out of that one anytime soon.

For the LORD is our judge,

the LORD is our lawgiver,

the LORD is our king;

it is He who will save us.

-Isaiah 33:22, NIV

The chasm between a kindergarten level of education and that of a rocket scientist doesn't come close to adequately representing the difference between my concept of justice and God's. That's becoming increasingly apparent in my life over this past week. No, I take that back, let's go on and roll it back to when the drama came to a head at GBC. I'm stubborn, passionate, and strong-willed, so I always want to help, fix, and reconcile things. But I'm usually too emotional to do that well or tactfully.

When I am made aware of someone suffering "unjustly" around me, I am first and intensely mad. I want to wrong the person that I feel has wronged them. I want to stomp whatever is causing their pain. Then when the realization hits that I can do nothing about it, I get depressed. I get sad, feel helpless, and wonder if anything is worth trying for. All the time, I've completely shanked everything that God promises He is. He is just. He is loving. He is in control. All good things come from Him. All things work for the good of those who love Him. He has a plan, for good not for harm. We are waging a spiritual war, not against things we can see.

None of these truths are in my cognition in the midst of the storm. It takes me tiring out, giving up, running ragged and realizing I haven't made any distance to get low enough to truly hear Him whisper these to my heart. Why don't I listen earlier?

There's a song on Jill Phillips' latest album called By a Thread where she talks about believing all these things but she can't get them down to her heart from her head. It seems like my life story. I want to be prepped and ready for trial, because I know God takes all those He loves through it in order to make them more like Him. I'm failing the small stuff. My biggest fear is that this unbelief will cut short His best being accomplished in my life. I want the whole package, but I'm not willing to accept my role in it...which is HE's God, He's in control, He loves me, and He knows the end. I don't have or know any of these things. But He's promised to hold me, love me, walk with me, never leave me, and bring me home. Now why can't I sit still?

How do you assure self-authenticity? People change. Desires change. Hopefully, maturity changes. I just get a gut-check every time I stop to wonder why I have so much fun trying out new eyeshadow colors and application techniques. I've decided that shopping can be a hobby, much like a sport or skill. You can be good at it or bad at it, but I think it's fun. Now, more than anytime of my life, I love being a girl. Is that superficial? Is that silly? Maybe. 5 years ago, I shunned all of these things. They weren't "spiritual" enough. But is being "spiritual" what we're here for? Is there a place for these? Can we use them to reach the lost? Is it a bridge to others with which we can relate? Or is it deceit? Does it give the Devil a foothold? Is it the manifestation of vanity and materialism?

Is this the "little stuff"? Or does it represent deeper issues?

Father, grant me a simple and pure heart to follow after You. Purge anything that hinders my focus, love, and devotion toward you. Let me take an active role in my journey closer to You. Heighten my sensitivity to conviction, and still my anxious thoughts. Make me willing to say what Paul does in Phil. 3 about counting it all rubbish in comparison to knowing You. I believe You're more than worthy.

New Music

That everyone needs to check out...JJ Heller, Matthew Perryman-Jones, and Andrew Osenga. I just saw each of them play a set tonight. Then I got to meet JJ, her husband, and Andrew Osenga. They were great...all of them. MPJ kinda reminds me of my buddy Joe G. JJ's voice is super-unique and even more pure live. Crazy. So add 'em as a buddy if you're on Myspace or buy their tunes off of itunes. However you decide, they're good peeps to have around.

Star Sighting #2...And #3!

I was released from the last day of my first rotation early and decided to treat myself to a bad lunch from McAlister's. Woo, the thought of that broc/cheese soup still gives me chills...so bad. I don't know how Memphis always got that right, but beware the McAlister's in Brentwood. As I drive by Chik-fil-a, I look, I look again, and yep, I'm pretty sure I saw Matt Wertz sitting there in deep convo with his bud. I bout flipped. Had I not been completely tired, worn out, and discouraged, I might have busted out the usual Lauren-lack-of-shyness-always-ready-to-make-a-new-connection and chatted it up. Oh well, maybe next time.

My next chance came when I stopped by Blockbuster tonight after work. I go there once a week, usually on a Friday night, and relax and watch a movie. It's fun for me, don't hate. So I walk in, glance at this guy, look twice, second guess myself, try to get another look without seeming wierd, then ask him with a quizzical look, "Are you Ben Shive?" He is! He goes to church with Suzanne and Jamie at Grace AND we both know the Gullahorns. Crazy. So there ya go. All these great people I've enjoyed hearing the gifts of for years now will hopefully become at least acquaintances for me. I'll keep ya posted.

Purpose of the Process

Most of you who know me are aware that I agree with the Westminster Catechism that "the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." Please understand (those of you who know me know THIS as well) that I DON'T succeed at living this out much of the time. The coolest part is, my success or failure doesn't determine my ability to glorify God...or my worth, for that matter. Both of those things were secured when Christ's death and resurrection bought my redemption.

Ok, so I didn't mean to launch into doctrine, I just rarely am able to get around it. lol. What I REALLY wanted to blog about was an opportunity available to anyone to help someone in need. One of the ways we grow, learn, and understand purpose is to better ourselves by doing or giving something for a neighbor.

A small, meager way that I have immensely enjoyed doing this is by sponsoring a child through Compassion International. I have had Lena from Indonesia as my sponsor child since my sophomore year of college. So yeah, please don't let money stand in your way. We write letters to each other, and one day I'd really like to go visit her someday. I have no idea how it's worked out for me to have 32 bucks a month in my account, ready to go to her, but it always has...worked out.

So if you are looking for a little way to make a big difference, please let me know or click on the link at the left that reads "Help children". It's so rewarding.

More of my process...

I gave my presentation today for this rotation. I thought it went pretty well, especially for my first one. So that's one hurdle jumped. I also started my part-time job tonite at CVS here. Loved it. The people I work with are super cool and fun to be around. I can tell I'm gonna like it. So things are not as overwhelming as before. Part of my fam's coming in this weekend. That's good. I miss my family.

Still looking for a church. Please pray for that if you're reading this. If you read my last blog, you know that I need some healing in terms of my heart in correlation to The Church. I hurt for it. And I need one...the fellowship...the accountability...the community.

My heart is broken for the Body of Christ in America. The apathy that is rampant in the vast majority of our assemblies is disgusting. We are scared of the real thing. We are terrified of whole surrender. We're too afraid of what God will ask us to do, of what God wants from us. The truth is we are too ignorant of His love, the depth, the quality, and the power of it. We are highly deceived about what He DOES want for us. It's not scary. It's not unattainable. It's simple and sweet and worth everything. Not only are we afraid of it, but we silence and persecute those who challenge us toward it. We want what we know. We want what we've seen and heard before. Don't bring us something we don't understand. Don't lead us to a new place where we have to change in order to live there. We like HERE and NOW.

We've forsaken the most basic command Christ gave us: follow Him. What comforts did He ever lay hold of? He didn't even seek to save His own LIFE! We don't want to give up our favorite TV show in order to be closer to Him.

bureaucracy. leadership structure. contemporary vs. traditional. giving. taking. growing. buildings. outreach. "worship". What does these words mean to a soul without Christ? Have we shown them Who He is?

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS LOVE THEM. DO WE EVEN LOVE EACH OTHER? DO WE LOVE OURSELVES? DO WE BELIEVE THAT GOD LOVES US AS HE SAYS HE DOES? DO WE LIVE IN THE FREEDOM CHRIST DIED TO GIVE US? IF NOT, HOW CAN WE OFFER IT TO ANYONE ELSE?

Why are "church-people" so judgmental? Here's a theory: We (as churchgoers) have yet to truly lay hold of the forgiveness God offers us, so we can't experience the real freedom of being pardoned from all our sins. Since we subject ourselves to these burdens of personal punishment, we feel that others should too. Because after all, they're not perfect. Isn't that the Story? Isn't that the whole point? WE ARE NOTHING. That's the beauty of the Gospel. We haven't ever been. We've never had anything to offer. Then God, in His infinite love, sent Christ to redeem for Himself a people to KNOW Him and experience his LOVE based on NO merit of their own. Our glory is that Christ died for us and conquered death so that we might LIVE through Him. That's our glory, that's our story, that's our whole worth wrapped up in a nutshell. So the daily mess, we all got it! Stop acting like you don't and looking down on me because I do. Until we, as the Body of Christ, learn to love EACH OTHER AS WE ARE, the world won't want to join in. It starts with individuals. Do you love YOU as you are? I honestly struggle most with this one. But...when I can lay hold of those promises of God's huge and unfailing love, I can love ANYONE just because HE loves me.

Thanks for reading my heart.

Does God change His mind?

I was recently face-to-face with this question during my personal reading time. I decided to consult a concordance and then a wiser Christian. Here's what I found. Feel free to add.


Dear wiser Christian (who shall remain nameless because I didn't ask his permission),

I came across a passage in Amos 7 that challenges my current understanding of God's omniscience. It's in verses 3 and 6 when Amos pleads with Him to withold His full wrath against Israel. The NASB says that He "changed His mind", while the NIV uses the word relented. Zondervan's concordance took it back to a Hebrew word naham, meaning the previously used words or to show sympathy or comfort. My question is: what does this imply about God's will and His omniscience? For Him to truly "change His mind" the way we as humans change our minds would imply there is information of which He was made aware that He previously did not know. I don't believe I can reconcile that with His omniscience. Was it just an act to grow Amos's faith? God doesn't lie, so it would be contrary to His essence for Him to proclaim all this judgment with no real intent on carrying it out, right? That's my dilemma in a nutshell. I was hoping you could shed some light on how to package this in my head.

Thank you so much for your time.

-- For His glory,
Lauren Webb
Isaiah 42:6

The response, which was extremely fast, I might add, is below.

Lauren,

You have raised an excellent question. This phrase occurs numeroustimes in the Old Testament where God is seen as "changing his mind."Based on other propositional statements about God's will, His decrees,His character, His constancy and faithfulness, I do not think that thesepassages could mean that he changed his mind on a whim based on some"new" information.

It seems best to me to understand this language in the passage in a waysimilar to what we have to do to several of God's statements to Hischildren as "theanthropic" language-that is it is God using human language to communicate to us in a waythat we can understand based on our limted experience, our limitedunderstanding and our finiteness--compared with His infinite attributesof omniscience and foreknowledge. John Calvin was fond of saying thatGod had to use "baby talk" with us for us to understand.

I think that the concept of "theanthropic language" is the best way tounderstand this concept and be faithful both to the language of the textand the theological propositions about God elsewhere in Scripture.I know that this brief response will not answer all of your questions,but I hope it will help a little bit. The idea of theanthropic language goes along for me to satisfy some of these very challenging sections ofthe OT.

- The Wiser Christian

I liked it. Let me know what comes to mind for you...

I need to be in bed...

That thought weighs on me like a nagging chimp on my back. And the following thought says, "If you don't blog now, you never will." And so my life threatens to slip out of my control again. Rotations have started. I'm getting up at dawn. My body hasn't adjusted yet, so all day I pray not to fall asleep while I'm at the hospital, then I'm too tired to be social when I get home. I know I'll catch the swing of things soon.

Everything's going well. I love Nashville. Such a cool city. Love my roommate. Cool girl. Roommates.com did a girl good. I'm not advocating online dating or anything, but props to the compatibility matcher of Roommates.com. Already got most of roads navigated. There hasn't been a single time where I had no clue where I was. Yep, I've almost got this place down.

Been to some really neat churches. Still got two more I'd like to check out before I dive into one. We'll see. It's hard when churches only meet once a week. Makes this process way drawn-out. Love the people in the churches here, though. Well, just love the people period. Very vibrant. Cool individuals. And just THAT...lots of individuals.

God is proving Himself just as faithful as ever. He calms my heart constantly. Except for a few jitters still about my performance on rotations, I have such a peace about my life here. Growing, learning, and most of the time abiding. It's a sweet time.