Star Sighting #2...And #3!

I was released from the last day of my first rotation early and decided to treat myself to a bad lunch from McAlister's. Woo, the thought of that broc/cheese soup still gives me chills...so bad. I don't know how Memphis always got that right, but beware the McAlister's in Brentwood. As I drive by Chik-fil-a, I look, I look again, and yep, I'm pretty sure I saw Matt Wertz sitting there in deep convo with his bud. I bout flipped. Had I not been completely tired, worn out, and discouraged, I might have busted out the usual Lauren-lack-of-shyness-always-ready-to-make-a-new-connection and chatted it up. Oh well, maybe next time.

My next chance came when I stopped by Blockbuster tonight after work. I go there once a week, usually on a Friday night, and relax and watch a movie. It's fun for me, don't hate. So I walk in, glance at this guy, look twice, second guess myself, try to get another look without seeming wierd, then ask him with a quizzical look, "Are you Ben Shive?" He is! He goes to church with Suzanne and Jamie at Grace AND we both know the Gullahorns. Crazy. So there ya go. All these great people I've enjoyed hearing the gifts of for years now will hopefully become at least acquaintances for me. I'll keep ya posted.

Purpose of the Process

Most of you who know me are aware that I agree with the Westminster Catechism that "the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." Please understand (those of you who know me know THIS as well) that I DON'T succeed at living this out much of the time. The coolest part is, my success or failure doesn't determine my ability to glorify God...or my worth, for that matter. Both of those things were secured when Christ's death and resurrection bought my redemption.

Ok, so I didn't mean to launch into doctrine, I just rarely am able to get around it. lol. What I REALLY wanted to blog about was an opportunity available to anyone to help someone in need. One of the ways we grow, learn, and understand purpose is to better ourselves by doing or giving something for a neighbor.

A small, meager way that I have immensely enjoyed doing this is by sponsoring a child through Compassion International. I have had Lena from Indonesia as my sponsor child since my sophomore year of college. So yeah, please don't let money stand in your way. We write letters to each other, and one day I'd really like to go visit her someday. I have no idea how it's worked out for me to have 32 bucks a month in my account, ready to go to her, but it always has...worked out.

So if you are looking for a little way to make a big difference, please let me know or click on the link at the left that reads "Help children". It's so rewarding.

More of my process...

I gave my presentation today for this rotation. I thought it went pretty well, especially for my first one. So that's one hurdle jumped. I also started my part-time job tonite at CVS here. Loved it. The people I work with are super cool and fun to be around. I can tell I'm gonna like it. So things are not as overwhelming as before. Part of my fam's coming in this weekend. That's good. I miss my family.

Still looking for a church. Please pray for that if you're reading this. If you read my last blog, you know that I need some healing in terms of my heart in correlation to The Church. I hurt for it. And I need one...the fellowship...the accountability...the community.

My heart is broken for the Body of Christ in America. The apathy that is rampant in the vast majority of our assemblies is disgusting. We are scared of the real thing. We are terrified of whole surrender. We're too afraid of what God will ask us to do, of what God wants from us. The truth is we are too ignorant of His love, the depth, the quality, and the power of it. We are highly deceived about what He DOES want for us. It's not scary. It's not unattainable. It's simple and sweet and worth everything. Not only are we afraid of it, but we silence and persecute those who challenge us toward it. We want what we know. We want what we've seen and heard before. Don't bring us something we don't understand. Don't lead us to a new place where we have to change in order to live there. We like HERE and NOW.

We've forsaken the most basic command Christ gave us: follow Him. What comforts did He ever lay hold of? He didn't even seek to save His own LIFE! We don't want to give up our favorite TV show in order to be closer to Him.

bureaucracy. leadership structure. contemporary vs. traditional. giving. taking. growing. buildings. outreach. "worship". What does these words mean to a soul without Christ? Have we shown them Who He is?

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS LOVE THEM. DO WE EVEN LOVE EACH OTHER? DO WE LOVE OURSELVES? DO WE BELIEVE THAT GOD LOVES US AS HE SAYS HE DOES? DO WE LIVE IN THE FREEDOM CHRIST DIED TO GIVE US? IF NOT, HOW CAN WE OFFER IT TO ANYONE ELSE?

Why are "church-people" so judgmental? Here's a theory: We (as churchgoers) have yet to truly lay hold of the forgiveness God offers us, so we can't experience the real freedom of being pardoned from all our sins. Since we subject ourselves to these burdens of personal punishment, we feel that others should too. Because after all, they're not perfect. Isn't that the Story? Isn't that the whole point? WE ARE NOTHING. That's the beauty of the Gospel. We haven't ever been. We've never had anything to offer. Then God, in His infinite love, sent Christ to redeem for Himself a people to KNOW Him and experience his LOVE based on NO merit of their own. Our glory is that Christ died for us and conquered death so that we might LIVE through Him. That's our glory, that's our story, that's our whole worth wrapped up in a nutshell. So the daily mess, we all got it! Stop acting like you don't and looking down on me because I do. Until we, as the Body of Christ, learn to love EACH OTHER AS WE ARE, the world won't want to join in. It starts with individuals. Do you love YOU as you are? I honestly struggle most with this one. But...when I can lay hold of those promises of God's huge and unfailing love, I can love ANYONE just because HE loves me.

Thanks for reading my heart.

Does God change His mind?

I was recently face-to-face with this question during my personal reading time. I decided to consult a concordance and then a wiser Christian. Here's what I found. Feel free to add.


Dear wiser Christian (who shall remain nameless because I didn't ask his permission),

I came across a passage in Amos 7 that challenges my current understanding of God's omniscience. It's in verses 3 and 6 when Amos pleads with Him to withold His full wrath against Israel. The NASB says that He "changed His mind", while the NIV uses the word relented. Zondervan's concordance took it back to a Hebrew word naham, meaning the previously used words or to show sympathy or comfort. My question is: what does this imply about God's will and His omniscience? For Him to truly "change His mind" the way we as humans change our minds would imply there is information of which He was made aware that He previously did not know. I don't believe I can reconcile that with His omniscience. Was it just an act to grow Amos's faith? God doesn't lie, so it would be contrary to His essence for Him to proclaim all this judgment with no real intent on carrying it out, right? That's my dilemma in a nutshell. I was hoping you could shed some light on how to package this in my head.

Thank you so much for your time.

-- For His glory,
Lauren Webb
Isaiah 42:6

The response, which was extremely fast, I might add, is below.

Lauren,

You have raised an excellent question. This phrase occurs numeroustimes in the Old Testament where God is seen as "changing his mind."Based on other propositional statements about God's will, His decrees,His character, His constancy and faithfulness, I do not think that thesepassages could mean that he changed his mind on a whim based on some"new" information.

It seems best to me to understand this language in the passage in a waysimilar to what we have to do to several of God's statements to Hischildren as "theanthropic" language-that is it is God using human language to communicate to us in a waythat we can understand based on our limted experience, our limitedunderstanding and our finiteness--compared with His infinite attributesof omniscience and foreknowledge. John Calvin was fond of saying thatGod had to use "baby talk" with us for us to understand.

I think that the concept of "theanthropic language" is the best way tounderstand this concept and be faithful both to the language of the textand the theological propositions about God elsewhere in Scripture.I know that this brief response will not answer all of your questions,but I hope it will help a little bit. The idea of theanthropic language goes along for me to satisfy some of these very challenging sections ofthe OT.

- The Wiser Christian

I liked it. Let me know what comes to mind for you...

I need to be in bed...

That thought weighs on me like a nagging chimp on my back. And the following thought says, "If you don't blog now, you never will." And so my life threatens to slip out of my control again. Rotations have started. I'm getting up at dawn. My body hasn't adjusted yet, so all day I pray not to fall asleep while I'm at the hospital, then I'm too tired to be social when I get home. I know I'll catch the swing of things soon.

Everything's going well. I love Nashville. Such a cool city. Love my roommate. Cool girl. Roommates.com did a girl good. I'm not advocating online dating or anything, but props to the compatibility matcher of Roommates.com. Already got most of roads navigated. There hasn't been a single time where I had no clue where I was. Yep, I've almost got this place down.

Been to some really neat churches. Still got two more I'd like to check out before I dive into one. We'll see. It's hard when churches only meet once a week. Makes this process way drawn-out. Love the people in the churches here, though. Well, just love the people period. Very vibrant. Cool individuals. And just THAT...lots of individuals.

God is proving Himself just as faithful as ever. He calms my heart constantly. Except for a few jitters still about my performance on rotations, I have such a peace about my life here. Growing, learning, and most of the time abiding. It's a sweet time.

My first Nashville Star Sighting

to me, anyway. I walked into the Mercy Lounge to hear some people play, and there sits Chris Rice on a bar stool. I bout flipped.

I already knew of two of the guys playing, Matt Wertz and Dave Barnes...shown below,

respectively...

I really enjoyed their music. I had never heard them live before, but they did a bombin' job. Good writing...

Then there was a new kid. I had never heard of him before, but he really impressed me. His style kinda creeps up and grabs you, then you're hooked. Check him out, Tyler James...

the kid's money.

On a little different note (but still on the star-to-me sightings), I went to church this morning with Andy and Jill Gullahorn. Such a neat experience. They attend an Anglican church here called Church of the Redeemer. Check it out. They have two beautiful children with whom I've already fallen in love. The congregation at this church was unlike any I'd ever encountered. No sign of judgment anywhere. There wasn't room because the love they showed for each other penetrated the place. Different folks from different walks of life truly united in the pursuit of Christ with a surprisingly raw desire. Like I said, it was deeply enlightening. I'll keep you posted on where I end up (churchwise).

Thanks for reading...

Something Old, Something New...

I left Memphis last Friday. The only time I cried saying goodbye was with Nat. It really hurt my heart to drive away. However, many times in the car by myself I was moved to tears when I thought of how great my friends have been, the surprise party, and all the blessings God has showered on me during my time in Memphis.

I moved all my stuff to Nashville on Saturday but didn't stay. My new roommate got up early and helped me move my stuff in! Katie's great.

We got Payten graduated, and I hung out with the fam for a couple of days. Last night was my first sleep in my old bed in a new room. I had a good talk with Katie, and I'm excited about us rooming together. I know I will like it here. I'm expectant for God to move me during my time here.

Thank you, all you who have been praying for me and encouraging me. It has been vital to me. Everyone, please come visit!

The Best

• friends and family anyone could have,
• going away party ever,
• surprise kept from me,
• and time with a moon bounce.

That's what I experienced tonight. I was having (or so I thought) sushi with Zach, Justin, Nat, and Brad, but we had to hurry because I had a meeting planned later tonight. Nat drives us to pick the boys up, and it's the slowest I've ever seen her drive. I'm kind of a planner, so I'm going nuts because we're behind schedule. When we pull up to their house, Nat and Brad want to get out, and I get mad about it, cuz I'd rather just call them to come to the car! Then I notice there are ton of cars at Zach's house. Then I see my stepmom at her expedition diggout a camera. Then I notice a car that looks like my mom's. Then I flip out. I walk in to see about 30 people who have come to wish me well. It was amazing. Zach and Nat, with help from others, planned this huge party for me! I was stunned and overwhelmed. Zach had Germantown Commissary BBQ and the moon bounce blowup toy in the background of the picture brought in for everyone.

It means so much to me that people would do so much, go so far out of their way for me. I'm floored. I truly am. It is so challenging to me to see people who are so good at being a friend, at self-sacrifice, at thinking of others. These people are incredible: all my friends and family. People drove long distances, kept good secrets, and even lied well to pull all this off. I don't deserve these calibur people in my life, and especially for them to give this much to me. I'm extremely blessed and humbled by the gift of themselves that they give to me.

Broken and Inflamed...

Is my heart right now about all that is brewing at Germantown Baptist Church. I love this church, and God has used it to bring such joy and comfort to me in a big, new, scary, secular place like Memphis and pharmacy school. It was a shock for me coming from the Bubble of Union, and this church was a lifeline. I have been fed with Biblical Truth, blessed with the presence of Holy Spirit during worship services, and given the experience of true fellowship among believers in that place. All of this occurred under the leadership of Dr. Sam Shaw. God could have used anyone He chose to grow that church exponentially as He has since Pastor Sam got here in 1998. But He used Sam...because Sam has been obedient and responsive to the things God has laid on his heart. Is he perfect? NO! Is anyone? Does that mean we just shank all positions of Biblical leadership simply because no one is perfectly fit to lead them? NO! And handicap grace? What does Paul go over and over again? God's power is seen in man's weakness? He uses the fools of the earth to shame the wise? No one is adequate apart from the grace Christ died to afford us.

My point is, and I have a few of them, all of the people that voted against the new Constitution and Bylaws were NOT voting against Sam. The "Save GBC"ers are highly misinformed if they believe that to be the case. It is unfair and incorrect for them to speak for those they have not spoken to. And then to tell that to the media! Absurdity.

Here's one of the articles that has come out recently in the Commercial Appeal:
http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/germantown/article/0,1426

Please check it out. I hate that I'm leaving my church home at a time like this. But I'm not going to fail to protect and preserve it. There are rumors of people working to ask for Pastor Sam's and most of the staff's resignation. One key staff member has already resigned. And I'm mad about it. Who will fight for them? Who will defend them? They are the people God has used to grow the church in width and depth, to give the church true vision for outreach and evangelism, and to carry the church on to fulfill God-sized missions that man would never think possible. And people want them GONE? Just because they're not comfortable with a guitar instead of an organ? Or because the person sitting beside them in the church pew doesn't look just like them? Does the congregation own the preacher and his job? Is that what Paul preached in the New Testament? Does he who has the biggest tithe get the loudest voice? Is that where we are? I'm mad. I'm disappointed in God's people...in the Body of Christ.

My prayer is that God will come in power, that He will bring His justice swiftly. I pray that He will love those who are astray back into the fold. I pray that He will give me a heart that is burdened and constantly praying for those deceived. I pray that He will bring His Light and His Truth in power, and the wolves in sheeps clothing would be revealed. I pray to Jehovah Rapha, the God Who Heals, that He will do what only He can in the hearts of men.

Please pray... for my church, for the staff, for the divisive ones, against the Father of Lies, for God's glory to be seen and His Kingdom to be furthered. Eternity depends on it.

New Thoughts

From my observation...and my imagination...it seems that dating relationships (in many cases, not all) that are carried out in an appropriate manner arise when a young man finds something desirable in a young woman. He observes her further to notice the presence or absence of future potential as a wife and a mom. This may not be a fully conscious process. He may not realize why he's attracted to certain things and not to others, but evidence has led me to believe this is the case. At some point, he makes the inner decision that he would like to have her as his. The pursuit begins. All he really has to do over the course of time is make her aware that he sees and values specific qualities about her. It ALMOST never fails. Women respond to being cherished. Here's the take-away points at which I wanted the reader to arrive:

GUYS: If you like the girl, just pursue! You'd be suprised how a heart can be turned when you come to retrieve it with confidence, gentleness, and perseverance. But, seriously, keep in mind, if she keeps rejecting, gather the scraps of self-esteem, and keep your eyes open for someone better suited for you.

GIRLS: Sweetie, you can crush all you want, but they ain't all coming after you. So have fun with your girls and your guy friends if you have them. Don't get overjoyed when someone wants to "set you up". It works for some; for others it's a nightmare. Keep your eyes open as well. It may actually take you somehow getting your foot in the door to snag a thought in his head. But someone will come. And keep in mind, your Savior has already come. It's a tragedy to all parties involved when the role of Christ and the man in your life become construed. No good.

A wise man once told me: Girls initiate, guys pursue, girls respond. I'm not sure that any of the previous advice applies across the board, but it's just what I've got for now.

I'd LOVE some feedback...

American Idol...

Seriously! I give up! What is wrong with this nation? Chris, the BEST one on there by FAR, just got voted off tonight. I boycott. All is wrong in this scenario. Taylor shoulda been headed home after the first couple of weeks. Honestly! Where is the justice?!

One more...

Saw Pride and Prejudice tonight. Maybe not the best idea...but it did help throw a few punches at the skeptic that's taken over, so maybe there's positive. Who can say? It was a little predictable, but it got me. I was in it. Maybe because I'm thickheaded and opinionated like Elizabeth. Once again, who's to say? And I'm sad to say (and a little embarassed) that I cried. BUT only in the part where she was talking to her dad and HE starts crying. I could SO see that occurring between me and my dad. He's got a visible heart like that. I love that about him. Okay, got a few more stories to tell so let's move on...

So I'm sitting in my apartment tonight. Keep in mind that I live downtown, really close to some shady areas. I'm watching my movie; Nat and Brad are hanging out. Then BANG! A couple more... BANG! BANG! What's funny is that at first, I didn't even react. Then it kept happening! If you think the initial response is fear for my life if that happens to be coming from a 9 mm, you'd be WRONG! I'm ticked. I'm trying to watch my movie, and I wanna know why the heck some punk is either blowing something up or shooting a gun! So I throw open the blinds and open our balcony door. Then I see a couple of flashes correlating to the timing of the bangs. Then I understand...Redbirds game...is over. They're shooting fireworks. Maybe because it's Cinco de Mayo. Who knows? I don't really lose any annoyance because I'm still hindered from hearing my movie. It finally stops.

Last story, I promise to keep it short. I visited my buddies up at Louisville, KY, that go to Southern over the past three days. Today, I decide to go with Bredow to the gym at their school to work out. Then I decide I'll just lift with him. lol. Great idea. I'm reminded of how weak I currently am, and then the worse comes. I'm sitting on the machine where you do bicep curls by pulling up the bar. My elbows are on the pad. I've finished my set, and I'm about to get up. So I just drop the handlebars. Well, they're not stationary. They are set out apart from the actual bar. Think of a "T" shape. When I dropped those bad boys, they THUMPED my knees so hard I didn't think I could get up. I really didn't know what had happened. I half expected my feet to have both kicked up like I got shocked as the reflex response usually works upon percussion. And I sure enough got beat. And now I have two symmetrical knots right below my kneecap that are painful upon any type of movement in my lower leg. Great idea...

Ok, so I'm not good at keepin' things short.

New Life!

She's precious! And beautiful! My cousin Valerie and her husband Matt had Julia Taylor 8 weeks ago. I got to meet her tonight at Meemaw's house. I held for at least 30 minutes. She's such a good baby; she slept most of the night. I gave her a bottle and tried to burp her, but I guess she hasn't found the family gift of the belch just yet. We'll teach her.

She's so tiny. She would make little noises and contort her face in times of wakefulness. Beautiful.

I wish Matt and Valerie lived closer...I'd LOVE to babysit.

I know Will's the movie buff, and I'm not anywhere near an expert on movies, but if you know me, I tend to be opinionated, so here's what I got on this movie...

I will start with the disclaimer that there is language and a couple of sketchy scenes that could be detrimental. If you're able to get past that and take the movie in for what it set out to accomplish, it will rock you. I honestly really liked it. I thought it was the bomb at representing the harsh reality that we, many times, pretend doesn't exist. The actors were phenomenal. They sold it for sure. You even get to see Ludacris show out a little bit. The character development was addictive. I wanted the movie to keep going. So much credit should go to the writers, directors, and producers. This was done with creative genius. I would suggest seeing this with an open mind, and see where you fit among the characters.

I'm DONE!

With classes forever! (Barring seminary, of course). I took my last final yesterday, and it's a very strange feeling to not have the looming feeling that I need to be studying. All the things I had pushed off until after finals now stares me in the face, waiting for my attention. Also, no longer being a typical "student" gives me this creeping sense that adulthood is sneaking up on me behind my right shoulder. I'm too afraid to swat it away. I know I'm not going to win that battle. Many times through ASP or other responsibilities I've convinced myself that I'm ready, that I can take it. And who knows? I might be, but I'm still not necessarily looking forward to it. I don't like to do things I'm not already good at, and I'm pretty sure that this ain't gonna be one of them...at least not at first, anyway.

Last night, my class had our P3 Banquet, and it was great! I got to spend time, cut up, eat, and dance with some of the people I've been in school with for the past 3 years. We've stressed together, took tests together, laughed together, sometimes fought together, and even cried together. I'll be sad not to see them all regularly. There was even tornado sirens going off outside the place last night, but none of us paid that much attention. I guess we were willing to risk it since this was our last chance to be together before some of us ship off to Nashville, Knoxville, Jackson, and Chattanooga.

We had this fun vote on "superlatives" for our class. There were some funny ones and definitely some random ones. I tied with a guy in my class for "Class Sleeper". My mom was really proud. lol. She got on to me when I told her. I just don't sleep enough. It's not very productive. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to sleep; I just can't really find enough time for it. So yeah, when a professor drones on, reading from his slides in a monotone voice, as hard as I try, I usually end up with the eye-drooping, head bobbing, struggle to stay awake.

I also brought home Best Personality, which I was really surprised by. I have some of the coolest kids in my class. They're all extremely unique and very gifted. It's been a great three years, and I'll miss them all very much. I have definitely come out of this experience with new experiences, new memories, new insights, and a lot of new friends.

Things that I've learned over the past week in planning and organizing the banquet/casino night for 400 people...

1. It's never too early to start.
2. You better have an awesome group of people helping you out, cuz there ain't NO way you're 'bout to pull it off on your own. And I do. This year's Exec. Committee has been amazing. I love those people. There's no way this year would have happened without their hard work, dedication, and willingness to always lend a hand. Of course, they were great about giving me courtesy laughs when I cut up during EC meetings too. And the new EC seems just as strong. ASP is such a fortunate organization to have such gifted servant leaders.
3. When you're involved in things bigger than you, which in almost every case simply includes life itself, you BETTER have a rock to which you're anchored. You better have your hope and expectation invested in something bigger than your present reality. You better know Jesus.
4. Never buys items online from ANY company that ships via DHL. This shipping service's incompetence alone was responsible for at least two crying episodes.
5. Everything will work out, maybe not to your expectation, but it'll get done...or it won't. And you'll still live to see tomorrow according to God's will.
6. No matter how many times I've seen God's faithfulness showered over my life, I always fail in the midst of trial. I wuss out. I cry. I get mad. I try to fix things on my own. I look for answers and actually expect my definition of "justice" to prevail in the universe. When the pressure hits, I completely let verses like Matt. 6:33, Prov. 3:5-6, Col. 1:17, Isaiah 55:8-9, and tons of others flee from my immediate consciousness.

I need to go back over Psalm 119:11 "Thy Word have I hid in mine heart that I might not sin against Thee."

Or how about Psalm 119:105 "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

I require being broken before I ever just listen. If God's love were no better than mine, He would have given up on me a long time ago. He gives me promises I can count, that I can rest in, promises that secure my hope.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

-Isaiah 41:10

I received more sad news today. It seems that the reality of death has lingered in my life over the past couple of weeks. After the unexpected death of a fellow student and friend two weeks ago, this past Saturday, my father called to inform me that my great-aunt Janice had died in here sleep at a very young 58 years old. She was my MamaJo's younger sister, and my stepmom's aunt. She had health problems in the past, but no one expected this to happen now. She has many grandchildren, and one of them is expecting a child now. This has left her whole family shaken up, and my prayer is that God will use this to draw them unto Himself as their source of comfort and peace.

This morning my mom called to inform me that one of Payten's (my youngest sister who's a senior in high school) classmates hung himself. One of the most entertaining defensive football players to watch, the boy was loved and admired by many. My stepdad was one of his biggest fans on the field. The senior class is getting a tragic end to their time together. Please keep those kids and his family in your prayers. I pray that they would search for answers, and that God would reveal Himself as He is, almighty, sovereign, loving, and in control.

Spring normally brings new life, and maybe God will use these events we view as tragic to spur newness in people's souls. That is prayer. Please let it be yours.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I just thought you guys should know that I have a big test on Monday over psychiatric disorders and their treatment, and I've diagnosed myself with at least half of them...

I wish I had more items of conviction or intense emotion to blog about, but here's all that's been swimming in my head...

Daron, my sis, had surgery last Friday to fix the compartment syndrome in her legs that had been keeping her from her A-game in soccer. Please pray for her quick recovery, and you can read all about the experience on her blog, which I have linked to the left. She's awesome, and I'm very proud of her.

I went to Nashville on Saturday to look for potential living arrangements, and I was overall discouraged. There are good options, but I'd like to have a roommate due to cost-efficiency, and none are currently presenting themselves. Living with someone is a big deal. If it's a bad situation, you're looking at a pretty miserable experience. So then there's the option of living alone, I'm just not sure I want to have to take out that much in loans. We'll see. Please pray for that.

And then school, ASP, church, and the move from Memphis. It's wierd how I feel myself moving away from my attachments here. I love my friends, my church, my people at church, and my familiarity with the area. But I feel like there's much more potential to be reached in another geographic region. Most of my friends here are married or getting there, and their time is hard to get. So my communication with local friends has dwindled considerably. It works out, because there are a million other things I need to be doing. And actually, it's conditioning me for the move. Now the communication resembles what it can be like while I'm in Nashville. Not much transition needed. But I still want to make the most of the rest of my time.

Spiritually, God really got my attention last weekend. He showed me what I looked like in terms of spiritual fitness, and I was disgusted. It's like seeing yourself 150 pounds overweight. I'm so out of shape in that area. I used to be on the ball. I guess being at Union was my glory days when it comes to spiritual discipline, because the college me would probably break out some Chuck Norris on the now me if it had the chance. I'm currently trying to recenter. Life's just sooooo not worth trying if you've lost sight of WHY you've been created. And with school, ASP, and busy-ness, I had. I think Melinda's untimely death reminded me of how to prioritize. Praise the Lord that He loves me enough to draw me back to Himself, knowing that I won't ever get it all right, but providing me the grace to seek His righteousness and pursue His heart.